OK: Found an XML parser.
Warning: PHP compiled without Zlib support (--with-zlib). No support for GZIP encoding.
Warning: No support for iconv (--with-iconv) or multi-byte strings (--enable-mbstring).No support character set munging.

Notice: Undefined property: MagpieRSS::$etag in /var/www/html/feed2js/magpie/rss_fetch.inc on line 156

Notice: Undefined index: description in /var/www/html/feed2js/magpie/rss_parse.inc on line 410

Example Output

Channel: Emili Jane

RSS URL:

Parsed Results (var_dump'ed)

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  ["parser"]=>
  resource(11) of type (Unknown)
  ["current_item"]=>
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  ["items"]=>
  array(25) {
    [0]=>
    array(10) {
      ["guid"]=>
      string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-1004710358549718267"
      ["pubdate"]=>
      string(31) "Wed, 16 Jun 2021 14:02:00 +0000"
      ["atom"]=>
      array(1) {
        ["updated"]=>
        string(29) "2021-06-16T07:02:47.111-07:00"
      }
      ["title"]=>
      string(43) "Women Will Let You Know (100% Success Move)"
      ["description"]=>
      string(22484) "


We all hate flaking, and we all hate not getting what we want. With that in mind, is there a way that you can get damn near 100% success with women, whether you're going for a kiss, trying to get a date, trying to take one home, or trying to have sex? The answer is yes, and I've performed this move a countless number of times.


Although the move is a relatively easy one, that doesn't mean that just any guy can pull it off. Most men will not be able to pull off this move because they'll be too impatient, show too much interest, and try to force an outcome. However, if you are calm, patient, and don't try to force anything, this move will work almost 100% of the time you're trying to get anything out of a woman, whether it is a kiss, a date, or trying to take her home for sex.

So what is the move? You simply wait until she expresses interest in whatever it is that you want. Until then, you remain calm, challenge her, and don't show any interest in her past your opener. For example, I wouldn't even bring up the topic of kissing or try to kiss her until she expressed interest in it. I wouldn't try to take her home until she expressed interest in it, etc. Most men are so impatient and afraid of losing the girl that they'll prematurely try to close the deal, and end up not getting what they want. These same men forget that women want what they have to work for.

Here are a few examples from my stories:

Her friends decide to leave, but instead of staying behind with me this time, she tells me that she's going to leave too.....and she wants me to come with her. Her friends trust me enough to let us walk alone in the alley, so they go the other way.
As we're walking, we're holding hands off and on. We stop and sit on the curb in Wendy's parking lot. I say something that pisses her off, so she starts to walk off without me. I say "OK" and stay 10 feet behind her just to make sure she gets home safely. She cuts a corner and I lose her. I rush to catch up, only to find her laying on a wet car. Her eyes are closed, I figure that this is the time to go in for a kiss. My intuition is right...we make out for maybe 15 seconds.
We get to her place, she invites me in. I sit on a chair, and her friends come in and go upstairs. She then goes upstairs, so I'm like "What the fuck?". All of a sudden, she comes running down the stairs and immediately jumps on top of me and wraps her arms around me. She then says "Lets go outside", so I figure its my time to go.
She doesn't say goodbye, but instead starts conversing with me. She lays on another wet car, this time with her stomach exposed, and drips of water hitting it from the above roof...drip...drip..drip...so fucking hot. I can't resist, so I go in and kiss her stomach. I move up to her neck and start to lightly bite it...a nibble here...a nibble there... she's moaning. We make out again. I then say "Let's go back inside." and she says "Oh, I see how it is". She thought I was leaving. I then tell her that I said "Let's go back in."
We get back in and I proceed to lock the door, and she says "Where are you going?" She thought I was leaving again. She then comes and starts making out with me and pushes me back in a chair. She hops on top of me, and secures me by wrapping her arms around me, and she falls asleep.


With Appleface, I basically challenged her. The first two times we were together, I was never the one to suggest walking her home. Her and her friends were. Also, I never attempted to kiss her. The third time, in the above story, she positioned herself for the kiss to happen. Not only that, but she invited me in. Do you think I would have gotten those same outcomes by being impatient and trying to force it before she basically let me know what she wanted (whether it was indirect with the kiss, or direct with inviting me in to spend the night). Nope (We've talked about this).

We arrive back in front of her place...
Me: "That's not a fucking sorority house!"

Cornfed: "Yes it is. Come in and see!"


Right then and there, I knew I could have sex with her. Why? Because she was letting me know it. All of my friends were trying to fuck her but couldn't. Why not? Because they were too impatient and trying to force an outcome; prematurely trying to get an outcome. They should have waited until she let them know that she was ready, and remained a challenge up until that point.
 

Me: "I'm about to go home, you can come if you want."


Right before that, I told her that I was leaving soon. I didn't put it in the story, but she asked me where I was going. That's why I told her that she could come if she wanted to. Her asking me where I was going was her basically letting me know that she was interested in coming. Also, look at this from the same story:

 
Sammy the Seal: "I'm bored, let's go cuddle."

 
Again, I waited until she let me know that she was down (for sex). It was indirect, but still the same message. Now what would have happened if I showed too much interest too soon or tried to force an outcome sooner? I probably would not have brought this girl home or slept with her. Keep in mind that I was her first black guy, and a friend told me that she only sleeps with white guys.
 

And Barbie Doll? She just stands there staring at me. All night, I've been very patient, not rushing anything. I know what she wants...
Me: "If you want, I can give you my number and you can call me whenever."
Barbie Doll: "Okay! I'll give you mine too!"
You should see the huge smile across her face...
Me: "Goodbye."
She leans in and kisses me...
Barbie Doll: "I'll call you!"


I waited until the very end of the night to ask for her phone number. Notice how she gave me the go ahead to ask for her number. How? When everyone was leaving, she just stared at me. She was indirectly telling me to ask for her phone number and letting me know that she would go out on a date with me.
 
There are a ton of examples like this in my stories. If you read my one night stand stories, you will see that in almost all of them, I waited until said girl gave me some kind of go ahead signal before making my move. Again, this move isn't for every guy, but if you know how to be patient by not trying to force an outcome by trying to get her number too soon, not trying to kiss her too soon, and not trying to take her home and have sex with her too soon, women will let you know when they are finally ready to give you what you want with almost no chance of you not getting it.
 
----
 
Obviously, this requires you to have some social intelligence to know when a woman is trying to indirectly let you know something.

References:

https://savannah-craigslist.aangevinkt.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.lize.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.begincool.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.linkdirectory.be/

https://savannah-craigslist.toplinkjes.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.boogo.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.zoekidee.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.eigenstart.be/

https://savannah-craigslist.beginzo.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.startmee.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.zoeklink.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.startjenu.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.onlinecasinogratisbonusohneeinzahlung.de/

https://savannah-craigslist.bali-directory.net/

https://savannah-craigslist.macrostart.be/

https://savannah-craigslist.serenadawn.com/

https://savannah-craigslist.azluna.com/

https://savannah-craigslist.allmag.de/

https://savannah-craigslist.bb-fr.com/

https://savannah-craigslist.backlink-clever.de/

https://savannah-craigslist.bookmunch.co.uk/

https://savannah-craigslist.blueinvest.cz/

https://savannah-craigslist.bitworks.co.nz/

 

" ["link"]=> string(89) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/06/women-will-let-you-know-100-success-move.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(22484) "


We all hate flaking, and we all hate not getting what we want. With that in mind, is there a way that you can get damn near 100% success with women, whether you're going for a kiss, trying to get a date, trying to take one home, or trying to have sex? The answer is yes, and I've performed this move a countless number of times.


Although the move is a relatively easy one, that doesn't mean that just any guy can pull it off. Most men will not be able to pull off this move because they'll be too impatient, show too much interest, and try to force an outcome. However, if you are calm, patient, and don't try to force anything, this move will work almost 100% of the time you're trying to get anything out of a woman, whether it is a kiss, a date, or trying to take her home for sex.

So what is the move? You simply wait until she expresses interest in whatever it is that you want. Until then, you remain calm, challenge her, and don't show any interest in her past your opener. For example, I wouldn't even bring up the topic of kissing or try to kiss her until she expressed interest in it. I wouldn't try to take her home until she expressed interest in it, etc. Most men are so impatient and afraid of losing the girl that they'll prematurely try to close the deal, and end up not getting what they want. These same men forget that women want what they have to work for.

Here are a few examples from my stories:

Her friends decide to leave, but instead of staying behind with me this time, she tells me that she's going to leave too.....and she wants me to come with her. Her friends trust me enough to let us walk alone in the alley, so they go the other way.
As we're walking, we're holding hands off and on. We stop and sit on the curb in Wendy's parking lot. I say something that pisses her off, so she starts to walk off without me. I say "OK" and stay 10 feet behind her just to make sure she gets home safely. She cuts a corner and I lose her. I rush to catch up, only to find her laying on a wet car. Her eyes are closed, I figure that this is the time to go in for a kiss. My intuition is right...we make out for maybe 15 seconds.
We get to her place, she invites me in. I sit on a chair, and her friends come in and go upstairs. She then goes upstairs, so I'm like "What the fuck?". All of a sudden, she comes running down the stairs and immediately jumps on top of me and wraps her arms around me. She then says "Lets go outside", so I figure its my time to go.
She doesn't say goodbye, but instead starts conversing with me. She lays on another wet car, this time with her stomach exposed, and drips of water hitting it from the above roof...drip...drip..drip...so fucking hot. I can't resist, so I go in and kiss her stomach. I move up to her neck and start to lightly bite it...a nibble here...a nibble there... she's moaning. We make out again. I then say "Let's go back inside." and she says "Oh, I see how it is". She thought I was leaving. I then tell her that I said "Let's go back in."
We get back in and I proceed to lock the door, and she says "Where are you going?" She thought I was leaving again. She then comes and starts making out with me and pushes me back in a chair. She hops on top of me, and secures me by wrapping her arms around me, and she falls asleep.


With Appleface, I basically challenged her. The first two times we were together, I was never the one to suggest walking her home. Her and her friends were. Also, I never attempted to kiss her. The third time, in the above story, she positioned herself for the kiss to happen. Not only that, but she invited me in. Do you think I would have gotten those same outcomes by being impatient and trying to force it before she basically let me know what she wanted (whether it was indirect with the kiss, or direct with inviting me in to spend the night). Nope (We've talked about this).

We arrive back in front of her place...
Me: "That's not a fucking sorority house!"

Cornfed: "Yes it is. Come in and see!"


Right then and there, I knew I could have sex with her. Why? Because she was letting me know it. All of my friends were trying to fuck her but couldn't. Why not? Because they were too impatient and trying to force an outcome; prematurely trying to get an outcome. They should have waited until she let them know that she was ready, and remained a challenge up until that point.
 

Me: "I'm about to go home, you can come if you want."


Right before that, I told her that I was leaving soon. I didn't put it in the story, but she asked me where I was going. That's why I told her that she could come if she wanted to. Her asking me where I was going was her basically letting me know that she was interested in coming. Also, look at this from the same story:

 
Sammy the Seal: "I'm bored, let's go cuddle."

 
Again, I waited until she let me know that she was down (for sex). It was indirect, but still the same message. Now what would have happened if I showed too much interest too soon or tried to force an outcome sooner? I probably would not have brought this girl home or slept with her. Keep in mind that I was her first black guy, and a friend told me that she only sleeps with white guys.
 

And Barbie Doll? She just stands there staring at me. All night, I've been very patient, not rushing anything. I know what she wants...
Me: "If you want, I can give you my number and you can call me whenever."
Barbie Doll: "Okay! I'll give you mine too!"
You should see the huge smile across her face...
Me: "Goodbye."
She leans in and kisses me...
Barbie Doll: "I'll call you!"


I waited until the very end of the night to ask for her phone number. Notice how she gave me the go ahead to ask for her number. How? When everyone was leaving, she just stared at me. She was indirectly telling me to ask for her phone number and letting me know that she would go out on a date with me.
 
There are a ton of examples like this in my stories. If you read my one night stand stories, you will see that in almost all of them, I waited until said girl gave me some kind of go ahead signal before making my move. Again, this move isn't for every guy, but if you know how to be patient by not trying to force an outcome by trying to get her number too soon, not trying to kiss her too soon, and not trying to take her home and have sex with her too soon, women will let you know when they are finally ready to give you what you want with almost no chance of you not getting it.
 
----
 
Obviously, this requires you to have some social intelligence to know when a woman is trying to indirectly let you know something.

References:

https://savannah-craigslist.aangevinkt.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.lize.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.begincool.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.linkdirectory.be/

https://savannah-craigslist.toplinkjes.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.boogo.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.zoekidee.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.eigenstart.be/

https://savannah-craigslist.beginzo.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.startmee.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.zoeklink.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.startjenu.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.onlinecasinogratisbonusohneeinzahlung.de/

https://savannah-craigslist.bali-directory.net/

https://savannah-craigslist.macrostart.be/

https://savannah-craigslist.serenadawn.com/

https://savannah-craigslist.azluna.com/

https://savannah-craigslist.allmag.de/

https://savannah-craigslist.bb-fr.com/

https://savannah-craigslist.backlink-clever.de/

https://savannah-craigslist.bookmunch.co.uk/

https://savannah-craigslist.blueinvest.cz/

https://savannah-craigslist.bitworks.co.nz/

 

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1623852120) } [1]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-3438370708886197131" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 08 Jun 2021 14:15:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-06-08T07:15:35.333-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(72) "Making Yourself Beautiful Takes Way More Than Just a Shiny Coat of Paint" ["description"]=> string(21754) "


A few years ago, I got sick of driving my thirteen-year-old car, but didn’t have the money to buy a new one. So, I took the $1,000 I had saved up and spent it on a brand new paint job, figuring that at least my old car would now look new on the outside.

This only prompted my friend Doug to ask, “Why would you want to gift-wrap a turd?”

Now, as much as I wanted to protest that my car still ran great, he did have a point. If something is beat up and run down on the inside, does making it look good on the outside actually improve it?

You may have heard of a book called The Rules. You may also have heard of a book called The Game. Both have spawned countless imitations at this point, but they all tackle the same basic premise: How to manipulate the opposite sex into being attracted to you.

Among the tips offered by the Rules, the woman should make the man work to win her affection: don’t call him back right away; don’t be so readily available; be aloof and reveal very little personal information. In short, make the man feel that he would be lucky to get her.

According to the Game, the man should demonstrate to the woman that he has something of value to offer her: perform a mind-reading trick to wow her; be the center of attention in the group; impress her with insight, intellect, and charm. In short, make the woman feel that she would be lucky to get him.

See the parallels here?

But, wait. If you’re a woman abiding by the Rules, how long will you have to adhere to them? If you employ a strategy designed to make men “chase” you, can you ever let them “catch” you? Or will you have to continue the chase for the rest of your life?

On the flip side, if you’re a man playing the Game, what happens when the woman wants to have a real conversation and actually get to know you? What happens when she discovers that you’ve simply been performing rehearsed routines? What kind of “material” are you going to use then?

The problem is that rules and game don’t address the underlying issues that make people unattractive in the first place. They teach desperate singles to imitate the natural behaviors of attractive people. But that’s it. They imitate.

Could it be that men are attracted to women who are confident and independent, who have their own lives, and who will not cling to them and base the meaning of their existence on a new relationship? And could it be that the behaviors dictated by the Rules simply mimic the behaviors of a woman who possesses these qualities?

At the other end, could it be that women are attracted to men who truly have something valuable to offer, be it intelligence, talent, charisma, or ambition? And could it be that the lines and routines directed by the Game simply mimic the behaviors of a man who possesses these qualities?

The woman makes herself seem unavailable, but in reality, she sits at home, hoping he’ll call. The man impresses her with supposed wit and charm, but in reality, those are memorized lines he’s spouting. Are these people really making themselves more beautiful? Or is this the behavioral equivalent of the thousand-dollar paint job on a piece-of-shit car?

So what if, instead of blindly obeying an arbitrary set of Rules, the woman actually works to attain those qualities that will make her attractive to men? And what if, instead of performing a well-rehearsed Game, the man actually works to attain those qualities that will make him attractive to women?

To be truly attractive in both a physical and mental sense takes determination and hard work. You can’t just read a book and shed a lifetime of self-esteem issues overnight. And you’re definitely not going to get any answers from a blog rant. You have to figure them out yourself, perhaps over years of introspection and self-reflection.

Either way, you can’t just slap a shiny new coat of paint on your dilapidated jalopy of a personality, when what’s needed is a complete engine overhaul. The paint job may be a quick fix, but you’ll only incite Doug’s neverending mockery.

And still end up having to shell out the money on a new car a few years later.

References:

https://netherland-dating.linkplein.net/

https://netherland-dating.linkhotel.nl/

https://netherland-dating.vindjeviahier.nl/

https://netherland-dating.eigenstart.nl/

https://netherland-dating.burstnet.com/

https://netherland-dating.slimmestart.nl/

https://netherland-dating.danneo.com/

https://netherland-dating.circle.am/

https://netherland-dating.rtlplaza.nl/

https://netherland-dating.uwbegin.nl/

https://netherland-dating.games2download.com/

https://netherland-dating.vakantie-links.nl/

https://netherland-dating.starthoekje.nl/

https://netherland-dating.web100.org/

https://netherland-dating.medischestartpagina.nl/

https://netherland-dating.billardgl.de/

https://netherland-dating.webterrace.com/

https://netherland-dating.kunigunde.ch/

https://netherland-dating.diogames.com/

https://netherland-dating.buildupthatwall.com/

https://netherland-dating.gamers-review.net/

https://netherland-dating.maxlinks.org/

https://netherland-dating.pokeren-ligne.be/

https://netherland-dating.gamecih.me/

https://netherland-dating.linkb2b.pt/

https://netherland-dating.ysrnry.co.uk/

" ["link"]=> string(84) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/06/making-yourself-beautiful-takes-way.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(21754) "


A few years ago, I got sick of driving my thirteen-year-old car, but didn’t have the money to buy a new one. So, I took the $1,000 I had saved up and spent it on a brand new paint job, figuring that at least my old car would now look new on the outside.

This only prompted my friend Doug to ask, “Why would you want to gift-wrap a turd?”

Now, as much as I wanted to protest that my car still ran great, he did have a point. If something is beat up and run down on the inside, does making it look good on the outside actually improve it?

You may have heard of a book called The Rules. You may also have heard of a book called The Game. Both have spawned countless imitations at this point, but they all tackle the same basic premise: How to manipulate the opposite sex into being attracted to you.

Among the tips offered by the Rules, the woman should make the man work to win her affection: don’t call him back right away; don’t be so readily available; be aloof and reveal very little personal information. In short, make the man feel that he would be lucky to get her.

According to the Game, the man should demonstrate to the woman that he has something of value to offer her: perform a mind-reading trick to wow her; be the center of attention in the group; impress her with insight, intellect, and charm. In short, make the woman feel that she would be lucky to get him.

See the parallels here?

But, wait. If you’re a woman abiding by the Rules, how long will you have to adhere to them? If you employ a strategy designed to make men “chase” you, can you ever let them “catch” you? Or will you have to continue the chase for the rest of your life?

On the flip side, if you’re a man playing the Game, what happens when the woman wants to have a real conversation and actually get to know you? What happens when she discovers that you’ve simply been performing rehearsed routines? What kind of “material” are you going to use then?

The problem is that rules and game don’t address the underlying issues that make people unattractive in the first place. They teach desperate singles to imitate the natural behaviors of attractive people. But that’s it. They imitate.

Could it be that men are attracted to women who are confident and independent, who have their own lives, and who will not cling to them and base the meaning of their existence on a new relationship? And could it be that the behaviors dictated by the Rules simply mimic the behaviors of a woman who possesses these qualities?

At the other end, could it be that women are attracted to men who truly have something valuable to offer, be it intelligence, talent, charisma, or ambition? And could it be that the lines and routines directed by the Game simply mimic the behaviors of a man who possesses these qualities?

The woman makes herself seem unavailable, but in reality, she sits at home, hoping he’ll call. The man impresses her with supposed wit and charm, but in reality, those are memorized lines he’s spouting. Are these people really making themselves more beautiful? Or is this the behavioral equivalent of the thousand-dollar paint job on a piece-of-shit car?

So what if, instead of blindly obeying an arbitrary set of Rules, the woman actually works to attain those qualities that will make her attractive to men? And what if, instead of performing a well-rehearsed Game, the man actually works to attain those qualities that will make him attractive to women?

To be truly attractive in both a physical and mental sense takes determination and hard work. You can’t just read a book and shed a lifetime of self-esteem issues overnight. And you’re definitely not going to get any answers from a blog rant. You have to figure them out yourself, perhaps over years of introspection and self-reflection.

Either way, you can’t just slap a shiny new coat of paint on your dilapidated jalopy of a personality, when what’s needed is a complete engine overhaul. The paint job may be a quick fix, but you’ll only incite Doug’s neverending mockery.

And still end up having to shell out the money on a new car a few years later.

References:

https://netherland-dating.linkplein.net/

https://netherland-dating.linkhotel.nl/

https://netherland-dating.vindjeviahier.nl/

https://netherland-dating.eigenstart.nl/

https://netherland-dating.burstnet.com/

https://netherland-dating.slimmestart.nl/

https://netherland-dating.danneo.com/

https://netherland-dating.circle.am/

https://netherland-dating.rtlplaza.nl/

https://netherland-dating.uwbegin.nl/

https://netherland-dating.games2download.com/

https://netherland-dating.vakantie-links.nl/

https://netherland-dating.starthoekje.nl/

https://netherland-dating.web100.org/

https://netherland-dating.medischestartpagina.nl/

https://netherland-dating.billardgl.de/

https://netherland-dating.webterrace.com/

https://netherland-dating.kunigunde.ch/

https://netherland-dating.diogames.com/

https://netherland-dating.buildupthatwall.com/

https://netherland-dating.gamers-review.net/

https://netherland-dating.maxlinks.org/

https://netherland-dating.pokeren-ligne.be/

https://netherland-dating.gamecih.me/

https://netherland-dating.linkb2b.pt/

https://netherland-dating.ysrnry.co.uk/

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1623161700) } [2]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-7146317679313227328" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 03 Jun 2021 14:55:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-06-03T07:55:20.781-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(16) "Stuff Women Like" ["description"]=> string(12328) "

A lot of you always wonder what to talk about with women. 
Well, now you have your answer. There are a lot of other interesting stats as well. Here are a few interesting quotes:

As for the interests of white women, you have romance novels, some country music, and a broad selection of Good Housekeeping type stuff. It's also amazing the extent to which their list shows a pastoral or rural self-mythology: bonfires, boating, horseback riding, thunderstorms.

I can tell you that white women love country music. If you were to take them on a date, then you can derive that you should probably do something outdoors-ey, and that you really can't go wrong with it.

If I had to choose over-arching themes for white people's lists, for men, I'd go with "frat house" and for women, "escapism."

If you are gaming a white girl, then you should probably talk about "getting away" for awhile; take them away from what they're use to on a day to day basis, as it plays up the whole romantic storyline fantasy.

So, toggling between black men and black women above, you can see that while soul food is important to both, but it's really, really important to the women. In fact, soul food and black women is the single strongest phrase/group pair we found.

Going after a black girl? You should probably invite her to a home cooked meal, maybe with your family or some underground mom and pop restaraunt.

Double finally, how bold is it that I am cool is the second most typical phrase for black men?

Black men think that they are cool, and the women that go after them probably know this. What does it mean? If you're a black guy, then you should be cool, assume that you're cool, and don't run your mouth trying to attract a girl the way that the Mystery Method guys do, as they assume lower value when they approach women (read: MM guys assume that women see them as uncool; the exact opposite of what you want to assume if you're a black guy).

As you can see, both Asian men and women choose I'm simple as their go-to self-description. Contrast this to black men's I am cool and Latinos' I'm a funny guy. It's also interesting that Asian men very often mention their specific heritage (taiwan, korea, singapore, vietnam, china) while Asian women don't.

Asian guys advertise that they're boring, and it probably shows in their personalities. Also, it looks like they advertise their Asian heritage, and that probably explains why American women don't like most of them (they aren't Americanized enough). It's really interesting how Asian guys advertise it, while Asian women try to bury it. Maybe this explains why Asian women tend to be more successful socially than Asian men. 

References:
https://queens.startze.nl/
https://queens-cragislist.vinddirect.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.webgidsje.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.websitelink.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.zoekvinden.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.linkpaginas.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.allepaginas.nl/
https://www.buzzfeed.com/strokelt
https://massachusetts-craigslist.beginthier.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.bestelinks.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.favos.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.gigago.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.start.be/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.startzoeken.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.tipjes.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.uwpagina.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.uwstart.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.verzamelgids.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.b9.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.benelinx.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.bestevanhetnet.nl/
 
" ["link"]=> string(65) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/06/stuff-women-like.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(12328) "

A lot of you always wonder what to talk about with women. 
Well, now you have your answer. There are a lot of other interesting stats as well. Here are a few interesting quotes:

As for the interests of white women, you have romance novels, some country music, and a broad selection of Good Housekeeping type stuff. It's also amazing the extent to which their list shows a pastoral or rural self-mythology: bonfires, boating, horseback riding, thunderstorms.

I can tell you that white women love country music. If you were to take them on a date, then you can derive that you should probably do something outdoors-ey, and that you really can't go wrong with it.

If I had to choose over-arching themes for white people's lists, for men, I'd go with "frat house" and for women, "escapism."

If you are gaming a white girl, then you should probably talk about "getting away" for awhile; take them away from what they're use to on a day to day basis, as it plays up the whole romantic storyline fantasy.

So, toggling between black men and black women above, you can see that while soul food is important to both, but it's really, really important to the women. In fact, soul food and black women is the single strongest phrase/group pair we found.

Going after a black girl? You should probably invite her to a home cooked meal, maybe with your family or some underground mom and pop restaraunt.

Double finally, how bold is it that I am cool is the second most typical phrase for black men?

Black men think that they are cool, and the women that go after them probably know this. What does it mean? If you're a black guy, then you should be cool, assume that you're cool, and don't run your mouth trying to attract a girl the way that the Mystery Method guys do, as they assume lower value when they approach women (read: MM guys assume that women see them as uncool; the exact opposite of what you want to assume if you're a black guy).

As you can see, both Asian men and women choose I'm simple as their go-to self-description. Contrast this to black men's I am cool and Latinos' I'm a funny guy. It's also interesting that Asian men very often mention their specific heritage (taiwan, korea, singapore, vietnam, china) while Asian women don't.

Asian guys advertise that they're boring, and it probably shows in their personalities. Also, it looks like they advertise their Asian heritage, and that probably explains why American women don't like most of them (they aren't Americanized enough). It's really interesting how Asian guys advertise it, while Asian women try to bury it. Maybe this explains why Asian women tend to be more successful socially than Asian men. 

References:
https://queens.startze.nl/
https://queens-cragislist.vinddirect.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.webgidsje.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.websitelink.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.zoekvinden.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.linkpaginas.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.allepaginas.nl/
https://www.buzzfeed.com/strokelt
https://massachusetts-craigslist.beginthier.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.bestelinks.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.favos.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.gigago.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.start.be/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.startzoeken.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.tipjes.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.uwpagina.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.uwstart.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.verzamelgids.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.b9.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.benelinx.nl/
https://massachusetts-craigslist.bestevanhetnet.nl/
 
" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1622732100) } [3]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(69) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-779296719143355852" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 21 May 2021 12:35:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-05-21T05:35:00.332-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(14) "This ONE Girl!" ["description"]=> string(11106) "

 


Dan asks:

Hey V,
I’ve been following your site for the past year, since I have started becoming a pickup artist. What I’m about to tell you is pretty messed up but please, if you could offer any help at all, that would be great.
So anyways, about a year ago I started learning pickup techniques and within the first three months, I learned A LOT. I took my techniques with me everywhere, and after about 8 months, I could really get most any girl to be attracted to me but that wasn’t what I was in it for. I really wanted to find a girl. So anyways at about the end of May, I got fired from my job. There was a girl I worked with who was basically my best work friend. It was a retail store and we always worked together at the same register. I could always tell there was a little attraction between us. After I got fired she offered to hang out one day and we ended up hooking up. The next day we agreed that this what what we really both wanted, even though she had a man. I thought that I would be able to get her to leave her man after a few weeks. Well here it is, almost two months later and she’s still with him. She REALLY loves me though, everyone - her friends and mine - tells me so. we are really close and its almost like we’ve been in a relationship for years. now at this point you probably think that I was going all AFC on her, that’s not at all the case. I keep our attraction up and have been BF destroying since we started. We really love each other but apparently she loves her man too. She’s talked about him before and most of the time I cut her off saying “listen, I really don’t want to hear about your man anymore. I don’t care what you have to say about him. I know you love him, and you know I love you but not this situation”. Sometimes at night she cries about the situation telling me “Baby, you really don’t know how hard it is. I’ve been with him for the last three years and I’m trying, but I can’t seem to do what I need to do, but I’m really trying”. I always tell her I know it will be hard, but that its harder knowing that I’m being disrespected like this knowing she’s doing the same thing she does with me, to another man. This past Friday night was our worst moment yet. We went to a party together and were talking with people and then out of nowhere, some guy that we both used to work with (she still does) gave her a hug. I’m not really a jealous person so it wasn’t a big deal. Eventually her and I were just sitting together making out, and that guy kept looking over at us every 2 or 3 minutes. But that wasn’t bothering me, I still had her and he didn’t. But then, every 10 or 15 minutes he would come over and give her a hug. He did it when I would leave to go to the bathroom, get another drink, ANYTHING. So naturally we started talking about him. Eventually she told me something that really opened my eyes. She told me that about a month before her and I started, she gave him head. This made me mad because that was the third time that I’ve heard she cheated on her man. The next day, Saturday, before I went to see her, I started thinking. What if I’m no different? What if the only difference is that I haven’t left her yet. So I made the decision to make her choice - me or him. When I went to see her I told her what I just said and I told her to call me when she didn’t have a man. She broke down, and I left. Honestly, that night I cried. I don’t think I’ve ever cried over a girl before..EVER. I didn’t sleep or eat at all that night - that’s now much in love we were. So the next day I honestly couldn’t take it. I called her and we got back together. She came over my house today (Monday) and before I went to bring her back home I asked her to promise me something. Now before I tell you what it is, she told me a couple weeks ago that she hasn’t “been with” her man since we started. So today I asked her to promise me that she won’t sleep with him while we’re together. She told me she couldn’t promise me that. She told me that she slept with him Friday, after WE went to that party. That was MESSED UP. I was with her from about 11 in the morning to about 1 the next morning. She ACTUALLY told me she went to his house after I dropped her off. At this point I was shocked. I told her that I honestly have never felt so disrespected in my entire life. At that point I told her it was time to leave my house. Right now I have no idea what to do. I can’t live with her - I can’t do it alone. V, do you have any suggestions for me?

You want what you can’t have. You say that you could get “most any girl attracted to you”, but this ONE girl hooked you. This ONE girl is always on your mind, likely cause you can’t have her all to yourself.

Women LOVE security. Someone who just got fired from a retail job working at a register doesn’t scream security to most girls. I’m not making fun, I worked shitty jobs myself. Say if you won the lottery tomorrow, do you think she’ll leave her man for you?

One more thing you should ask yourself is, “Does this girl love me for who I truly am, or because of the man I pretend to be?” You say you’ve been using the techniques everywhere for the past 8 months, so I assume you’ve been using them around the girl (i.e. BF destroyers).

Answer those questions and if you’re still in need of help then send me another e-mail.

Related Articles:

Karaoke Night

Attempts to Open

Playing The Game

Welcome From an Aspiring Pick Up Artist

Unlocking A Woman's Inner Slut

Get The Facebook Info

What Black Guys Don't Get

Speak To The Vagina

Something Women Can Relate To

How Nightclubs Fooled Women

When Women Give You Eye Contact

Flexing Your Financial Muscle

Why Women Are Attracted To Men

The Jackass Never Dies

" ["link"]=> string(62) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/05/this-one-girl.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(11106) "

 


Dan asks:

Hey V,
I’ve been following your site for the past year, since I have started becoming a pickup artist. What I’m about to tell you is pretty messed up but please, if you could offer any help at all, that would be great.
So anyways, about a year ago I started learning pickup techniques and within the first three months, I learned A LOT. I took my techniques with me everywhere, and after about 8 months, I could really get most any girl to be attracted to me but that wasn’t what I was in it for. I really wanted to find a girl. So anyways at about the end of May, I got fired from my job. There was a girl I worked with who was basically my best work friend. It was a retail store and we always worked together at the same register. I could always tell there was a little attraction between us. After I got fired she offered to hang out one day and we ended up hooking up. The next day we agreed that this what what we really both wanted, even though she had a man. I thought that I would be able to get her to leave her man after a few weeks. Well here it is, almost two months later and she’s still with him. She REALLY loves me though, everyone - her friends and mine - tells me so. we are really close and its almost like we’ve been in a relationship for years. now at this point you probably think that I was going all AFC on her, that’s not at all the case. I keep our attraction up and have been BF destroying since we started. We really love each other but apparently she loves her man too. She’s talked about him before and most of the time I cut her off saying “listen, I really don’t want to hear about your man anymore. I don’t care what you have to say about him. I know you love him, and you know I love you but not this situation”. Sometimes at night she cries about the situation telling me “Baby, you really don’t know how hard it is. I’ve been with him for the last three years and I’m trying, but I can’t seem to do what I need to do, but I’m really trying”. I always tell her I know it will be hard, but that its harder knowing that I’m being disrespected like this knowing she’s doing the same thing she does with me, to another man. This past Friday night was our worst moment yet. We went to a party together and were talking with people and then out of nowhere, some guy that we both used to work with (she still does) gave her a hug. I’m not really a jealous person so it wasn’t a big deal. Eventually her and I were just sitting together making out, and that guy kept looking over at us every 2 or 3 minutes. But that wasn’t bothering me, I still had her and he didn’t. But then, every 10 or 15 minutes he would come over and give her a hug. He did it when I would leave to go to the bathroom, get another drink, ANYTHING. So naturally we started talking about him. Eventually she told me something that really opened my eyes. She told me that about a month before her and I started, she gave him head. This made me mad because that was the third time that I’ve heard she cheated on her man. The next day, Saturday, before I went to see her, I started thinking. What if I’m no different? What if the only difference is that I haven’t left her yet. So I made the decision to make her choice - me or him. When I went to see her I told her what I just said and I told her to call me when she didn’t have a man. She broke down, and I left. Honestly, that night I cried. I don’t think I’ve ever cried over a girl before..EVER. I didn’t sleep or eat at all that night - that’s now much in love we were. So the next day I honestly couldn’t take it. I called her and we got back together. She came over my house today (Monday) and before I went to bring her back home I asked her to promise me something. Now before I tell you what it is, she told me a couple weeks ago that she hasn’t “been with” her man since we started. So today I asked her to promise me that she won’t sleep with him while we’re together. She told me she couldn’t promise me that. She told me that she slept with him Friday, after WE went to that party. That was MESSED UP. I was with her from about 11 in the morning to about 1 the next morning. She ACTUALLY told me she went to his house after I dropped her off. At this point I was shocked. I told her that I honestly have never felt so disrespected in my entire life. At that point I told her it was time to leave my house. Right now I have no idea what to do. I can’t live with her - I can’t do it alone. V, do you have any suggestions for me?

You want what you can’t have. You say that you could get “most any girl attracted to you”, but this ONE girl hooked you. This ONE girl is always on your mind, likely cause you can’t have her all to yourself.

Women LOVE security. Someone who just got fired from a retail job working at a register doesn’t scream security to most girls. I’m not making fun, I worked shitty jobs myself. Say if you won the lottery tomorrow, do you think she’ll leave her man for you?

One more thing you should ask yourself is, “Does this girl love me for who I truly am, or because of the man I pretend to be?” You say you’ve been using the techniques everywhere for the past 8 months, so I assume you’ve been using them around the girl (i.e. BF destroyers).

Answer those questions and if you’re still in need of help then send me another e-mail.

Related Articles:

Karaoke Night

Attempts to Open

Playing The Game

Welcome From an Aspiring Pick Up Artist

Unlocking A Woman's Inner Slut

Get The Facebook Info

What Black Guys Don't Get

Speak To The Vagina

Something Women Can Relate To

How Nightclubs Fooled Women

When Women Give You Eye Contact

Flexing Your Financial Muscle

Why Women Are Attracted To Men

The Jackass Never Dies

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1621600500) } [4]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(69) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-444561150387314405" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 07 May 2021 14:42:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-05-07T07:42:11.983-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(39) "How To Tell She Is Emotionally Immature" ["description"]=> string(28184) "


Have you ever dated a woman who just seemed a little off? Like she was too much effort? Like she was involved in WAY too much drama? Like she was always changing the way she felt about you? Like she was giving you mixed messages? I can see how dating and relating experiences like this can really confuse you. Not only that, I can see how it could really put you off women in general because of how easy it is to assume that all women are the same.

Some of you have just resigned yourself to the fact that woman are a species which does not WANT to be understood.

Or maybe you have at least thought about this at one point or another. Well, I’m here to shed some light on this (at times) mysterious issue. And it’s pretty easy to overcome once you have identified what the problem is. In most cases, women who are experiencing consistently high and low mood swings, denial and only slight degrees of self responsibility are more than likely to be emotionally immature.

This means a woman who is actually 35 years old can have the emotional maturity level of a 15 year old. I will also note that emotionally maturity is not entirely dependent on age. There are some younger women out there who are incredibly mature for their age and vice versa. There are a number of reasons why maturity does or does not develop but more on that later. First I want to help you guys really identify: what an emotionally immature woman looks like, what she does, and then why she is the way she is.

The Emotionally Immature Woman
What would be one defining factor of an emotionally immature woman? Despite the fact that there are numerous factors if I had to sum it up in a sentence of two it would go something like this: “An emotionally immature woman doesn’t have the skills or experience to cope with reality. An emotionally immature woman doesn’t understand what boundaries are. An emotionally immature woman doesn’t know where things start and where they should end.” She has no coping skills. She has no sense of personal responsibility. For an emotionally immature woman the world simply exists to serve her purposes. Like a child who: screams, cries, and yells to get what they want, so too, do emotionally immature women. Except they may use their femininity and sexuality as the bargaining chip. Sexual looks, flirtatious smiles, sexual favors, and sex are all tools to get what they want, when they want it. And, you know what? It proves to be an effective about 99% of the time. So why would they need to learn anything else?

In need of awareness …
An emotionally immature woman has no sense of awareness of what she is doing. She is on autopilot. She is in constant reaction to her emotions to her needs and wants. She is happy if she gets what she wants. She has tantrum if she doesn’t get what she wants immediately. She has no sense of herself in her own world. She has limited ability or want to reflect or analyze her actions. She has no insight into herself. She does not really know what she is doing. And, in some respects you can’t blame her. She simply doesn’t know anything else.

In need of personal autonomy …
Emotionally immature women don’t understand the idea of personal autonomy. It’s for this reason they are more likely to flake on dates and appointments with you. It’s for this reason they may seem so disorganized with their life. It’s for this reason they may feel like a victim rather than the leader and creator of their own life. It’s for this reason why they are likely to blame something outside themselves instead of owning a mistake and then taking positive action to change it. It’s for this reason they may not be able to follow through on their word.

In need of boundaries …
Emotionally immature women need boundaries. Just like a little child who is spoilt, the thing you can really do is: change the expectations of the child, impose boundaries, and use a reward based system for the desired behavior. The same is for an emotionally immature woman. She doesn’t know that she needs boundaries, but this is something that she so desperately needs to experience.

What An Emotionally Mature Woman Looks Like
See, when a woman is emotionally mature she can do all these things and more. She has a sense of self control. She can accept and control her urges. She has wisdom and the ability to look at her life reflectively and learn from her mistakes. She understands the concept of personal responsibility and has accountability for all of her actions. She has a sense of independence to make her own decisions and to observe the consequences in a rational manner. Because she has all of these, she is more likely to engage in: altruism, anticipation, humor, flexibility, and adaptability.

An emotionally mature woman can role with the punches. She can take things in her stride. She can communicate what she wants.

She can: listen, learn, validate, appreciate, and respond to you. She is more innately optimistic because she understands that at any given point she has the skills to deal with life. Because she has done it in the past and she can do it again. It means she can speak up for what she wants, without having an emotional tantrum. So instead of acting upset, she simply states what she wants. If her partner is not listening to her or she feels she is not being heard, she will say something. She will do the best to communicate by: listening, validating, accepting, and then speaking. She will process a lot of her thoughts before blurting them out. She will think about things first before sharing with you. She will truly listen to what you have to say and using her own independent mind, come to her own conclusions and then communicate this with you.

Why Is She Emotionally Immature?
A woman can be emotionally immature for a number of reasons. This could be dependent on the way she was raised. Maybe she didn’t have a strong female role model in her life to learn from. Maybe she was nurtured up until a later age in her growing up period and didn’t need to develop these skills. Because there is an inability to process her emotions – there has been no need to process her emotions and therefore there has been no real desire to emotionally mature. Women who also get into relationships with men from an early age can also be prone to this as well. Part of emotional maturity is a sense of independence and a sense of self. If they are having relationships with men from a very early age, their sense of self is tied to a man. If this man is no longer in their life or the men in their life are consistently churning, her sense of identity is always unstable and consistently churning, too.

She has no foot holding in her world.

Women who are incredibly attractive may also experience this. Since they have been able to get what they want 99% of the time based on their looks, they have very little in terms of strategies and ways of getting what they want, when their looks don’t work. This is why they go back to brattiness and whining since this was the last conscious memory they recall which also helped them get what they wanted. Unfortunately this is technique that worked better when they were younger.

Again, if 99% of the time their looks are getting them what they want, then there is very little desire or need for them to look at positive alternatives.

All of this should be taken into account when dating and relating with a woman. Observing how she acts over time will also be very important – so that you can start to see a pattern. Once you start spending more time with a woman you will see how clearly her emotional maturity level will shine through. Once you can identify and know exactly what you are dealing with, then you have the power again to decide where you want to take it.

With that said, when you truly understand what creates attraction and what drives a woman it is a lot easier to attract them. The more women that you attract the greater choice you have. The more choice you have the more selective you can really be. I know how tempting it can be to want to hang onto a woman even though you have identified her as emotionally immature (simply because you don’t think you can do better).

I urge you to understand that if you can focus on identifying what an emotionally mature woman wants in a man and cultivate and develop those qualities in yourself you will be in much more control.

And, you will be much more fulfilled in the process. That would be better than settling. That would be better than just giving up. See, when you do either of those you lose a tiny part of that spark. You dim that fire that is burning inside of you. This fire, this spark inside you, should be viciously guarded. It should be protected, because it is the greatest gift any one of us could ever possess. So don’t destroy it by settling.

Word of caution
Don’t assume that if a woman is giving you mixed messages that she is emotionally immature. She may not be into you. She may not be sure about you and processing. You need to take an overall snapshot of how she is overall responding to you. After a woman experiences something really intense she may need a couple of days to recover. Other times she could be battling things in her head, along with the attraction she feels for you. This is a common reason why woman will say one thing and then do another. Because they don’t have the awareness to understand what it is that they truly want. Or to admit to themselves that they are in fact attracted to this man.

Also note that a woman will always be doing her best to reflect back what you are giving her. Put a woman in front of 10 different men and she may behave in 10 different ways.

This is because women are responders of men. They absorb and reflect back what is being given to them.

A man with presence is more than likely going to make a woman feel more calm, feminine and relaxed. All these naturally help her process her emotions. When a woman can process her emotions she is more able to react in more predictable ways. So, when you are not assertive in placing boundaries at the beginning she will learn that “it is okay” to overstep them. So, when you start re-enforcing more boundaries she will be taken aback and will probably even have a little more resistance. Is that her fault? Or is she simply treating you the way that you taught her to? In my own personal experience there were men who drew out different maturity levels within me. With the men that had a presence which made me feel safe, secure and validated I would be able to reflect and behave in ways that were very emotionally mature. Where this security was threatened whilst I wouldn’t turn into a complete emotional mess, I found it harder to communicate and process more of my emotions. So, again, it’s also very important that you do certain things early on with a woman she will bring out her greatest version of emotional maturity.

How To Deal With Emotionally Immature Women … Should You Choose To.
I say should you choose to because I want you to remember that you are always the one that has a choice. If you are looking for is an emotionally mature woman and you have identified she is emotionally immature (more than you can or want to handle) – then don’t continue seeing her. It’s really that simple. You don’t owe it to anyone to continue dating her. In fact by cutting your contact with her you may give her to opportunity to grow up a little. She may be able to take that situation as an opportunity to wake up and truly see how HER actions are driving certain men away.

The best ways to deal with emotionally immature women is to assertively place boundaries very early on in your relationship with them. It also involves paying enough attention to pick up on her manipulative techniques and call her out on her games.

If you find a woman who is emotionally immature but want to learn how she can learn in this area, then you can choose to really guide her along this process too. This means that you can hold her to a higher standard, treat her like you would an emotionally mature woman and encourage her when she acts like a mature woman. But the best thing about this process is the awareness puts you back into control. So, at the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide what you are willing and not willing to tolerate. This is a very good thing.

I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!

Want more on this topic? Then make sure to check out:

Introducing a New Person Into Your Life

On Codependency And Discovering the Obvious

The New Work/life Balance Struggle

Do We Love or Do We Emulate?

Some Things Really Are Sacred

How My Mom Helped Me Lose My V-Card

I Never Say I Need Him

Blueprint for a Man’s Life

How to Break Your Own Heart

How To Have Better Experiences

News Flash: Sex is a Distraction

The Subtle Allure of A Life More Ordinary

Happiness Hyperopia

Pickup for Feminists

The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility!

Me & the Great Online Dating Experiment

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Have you ever dated a woman who just seemed a little off? Like she was too much effort? Like she was involved in WAY too much drama? Like she was always changing the way she felt about you? Like she was giving you mixed messages? I can see how dating and relating experiences like this can really confuse you. Not only that, I can see how it could really put you off women in general because of how easy it is to assume that all women are the same.

Some of you have just resigned yourself to the fact that woman are a species which does not WANT to be understood.

Or maybe you have at least thought about this at one point or another. Well, I’m here to shed some light on this (at times) mysterious issue. And it’s pretty easy to overcome once you have identified what the problem is. In most cases, women who are experiencing consistently high and low mood swings, denial and only slight degrees of self responsibility are more than likely to be emotionally immature.

This means a woman who is actually 35 years old can have the emotional maturity level of a 15 year old. I will also note that emotionally maturity is not entirely dependent on age. There are some younger women out there who are incredibly mature for their age and vice versa. There are a number of reasons why maturity does or does not develop but more on that later. First I want to help you guys really identify: what an emotionally immature woman looks like, what she does, and then why she is the way she is.

The Emotionally Immature Woman
What would be one defining factor of an emotionally immature woman? Despite the fact that there are numerous factors if I had to sum it up in a sentence of two it would go something like this: “An emotionally immature woman doesn’t have the skills or experience to cope with reality. An emotionally immature woman doesn’t understand what boundaries are. An emotionally immature woman doesn’t know where things start and where they should end.” She has no coping skills. She has no sense of personal responsibility. For an emotionally immature woman the world simply exists to serve her purposes. Like a child who: screams, cries, and yells to get what they want, so too, do emotionally immature women. Except they may use their femininity and sexuality as the bargaining chip. Sexual looks, flirtatious smiles, sexual favors, and sex are all tools to get what they want, when they want it. And, you know what? It proves to be an effective about 99% of the time. So why would they need to learn anything else?

In need of awareness …
An emotionally immature woman has no sense of awareness of what she is doing. She is on autopilot. She is in constant reaction to her emotions to her needs and wants. She is happy if she gets what she wants. She has tantrum if she doesn’t get what she wants immediately. She has no sense of herself in her own world. She has limited ability or want to reflect or analyze her actions. She has no insight into herself. She does not really know what she is doing. And, in some respects you can’t blame her. She simply doesn’t know anything else.

In need of personal autonomy …
Emotionally immature women don’t understand the idea of personal autonomy. It’s for this reason they are more likely to flake on dates and appointments with you. It’s for this reason they may seem so disorganized with their life. It’s for this reason they may feel like a victim rather than the leader and creator of their own life. It’s for this reason why they are likely to blame something outside themselves instead of owning a mistake and then taking positive action to change it. It’s for this reason they may not be able to follow through on their word.

In need of boundaries …
Emotionally immature women need boundaries. Just like a little child who is spoilt, the thing you can really do is: change the expectations of the child, impose boundaries, and use a reward based system for the desired behavior. The same is for an emotionally immature woman. She doesn’t know that she needs boundaries, but this is something that she so desperately needs to experience.

What An Emotionally Mature Woman Looks Like
See, when a woman is emotionally mature she can do all these things and more. She has a sense of self control. She can accept and control her urges. She has wisdom and the ability to look at her life reflectively and learn from her mistakes. She understands the concept of personal responsibility and has accountability for all of her actions. She has a sense of independence to make her own decisions and to observe the consequences in a rational manner. Because she has all of these, she is more likely to engage in: altruism, anticipation, humor, flexibility, and adaptability.

An emotionally mature woman can role with the punches. She can take things in her stride. She can communicate what she wants.

She can: listen, learn, validate, appreciate, and respond to you. She is more innately optimistic because she understands that at any given point she has the skills to deal with life. Because she has done it in the past and she can do it again. It means she can speak up for what she wants, without having an emotional tantrum. So instead of acting upset, she simply states what she wants. If her partner is not listening to her or she feels she is not being heard, she will say something. She will do the best to communicate by: listening, validating, accepting, and then speaking. She will process a lot of her thoughts before blurting them out. She will think about things first before sharing with you. She will truly listen to what you have to say and using her own independent mind, come to her own conclusions and then communicate this with you.

Why Is She Emotionally Immature?
A woman can be emotionally immature for a number of reasons. This could be dependent on the way she was raised. Maybe she didn’t have a strong female role model in her life to learn from. Maybe she was nurtured up until a later age in her growing up period and didn’t need to develop these skills. Because there is an inability to process her emotions – there has been no need to process her emotions and therefore there has been no real desire to emotionally mature. Women who also get into relationships with men from an early age can also be prone to this as well. Part of emotional maturity is a sense of independence and a sense of self. If they are having relationships with men from a very early age, their sense of self is tied to a man. If this man is no longer in their life or the men in their life are consistently churning, her sense of identity is always unstable and consistently churning, too.

She has no foot holding in her world.

Women who are incredibly attractive may also experience this. Since they have been able to get what they want 99% of the time based on their looks, they have very little in terms of strategies and ways of getting what they want, when their looks don’t work. This is why they go back to brattiness and whining since this was the last conscious memory they recall which also helped them get what they wanted. Unfortunately this is technique that worked better when they were younger.

Again, if 99% of the time their looks are getting them what they want, then there is very little desire or need for them to look at positive alternatives.

All of this should be taken into account when dating and relating with a woman. Observing how she acts over time will also be very important – so that you can start to see a pattern. Once you start spending more time with a woman you will see how clearly her emotional maturity level will shine through. Once you can identify and know exactly what you are dealing with, then you have the power again to decide where you want to take it.

With that said, when you truly understand what creates attraction and what drives a woman it is a lot easier to attract them. The more women that you attract the greater choice you have. The more choice you have the more selective you can really be. I know how tempting it can be to want to hang onto a woman even though you have identified her as emotionally immature (simply because you don’t think you can do better).

I urge you to understand that if you can focus on identifying what an emotionally mature woman wants in a man and cultivate and develop those qualities in yourself you will be in much more control.

And, you will be much more fulfilled in the process. That would be better than settling. That would be better than just giving up. See, when you do either of those you lose a tiny part of that spark. You dim that fire that is burning inside of you. This fire, this spark inside you, should be viciously guarded. It should be protected, because it is the greatest gift any one of us could ever possess. So don’t destroy it by settling.

Word of caution
Don’t assume that if a woman is giving you mixed messages that she is emotionally immature. She may not be into you. She may not be sure about you and processing. You need to take an overall snapshot of how she is overall responding to you. After a woman experiences something really intense she may need a couple of days to recover. Other times she could be battling things in her head, along with the attraction she feels for you. This is a common reason why woman will say one thing and then do another. Because they don’t have the awareness to understand what it is that they truly want. Or to admit to themselves that they are in fact attracted to this man.

Also note that a woman will always be doing her best to reflect back what you are giving her. Put a woman in front of 10 different men and she may behave in 10 different ways.

This is because women are responders of men. They absorb and reflect back what is being given to them.

A man with presence is more than likely going to make a woman feel more calm, feminine and relaxed. All these naturally help her process her emotions. When a woman can process her emotions she is more able to react in more predictable ways. So, when you are not assertive in placing boundaries at the beginning she will learn that “it is okay” to overstep them. So, when you start re-enforcing more boundaries she will be taken aback and will probably even have a little more resistance. Is that her fault? Or is she simply treating you the way that you taught her to? In my own personal experience there were men who drew out different maturity levels within me. With the men that had a presence which made me feel safe, secure and validated I would be able to reflect and behave in ways that were very emotionally mature. Where this security was threatened whilst I wouldn’t turn into a complete emotional mess, I found it harder to communicate and process more of my emotions. So, again, it’s also very important that you do certain things early on with a woman she will bring out her greatest version of emotional maturity.

How To Deal With Emotionally Immature Women … Should You Choose To.
I say should you choose to because I want you to remember that you are always the one that has a choice. If you are looking for is an emotionally mature woman and you have identified she is emotionally immature (more than you can or want to handle) – then don’t continue seeing her. It’s really that simple. You don’t owe it to anyone to continue dating her. In fact by cutting your contact with her you may give her to opportunity to grow up a little. She may be able to take that situation as an opportunity to wake up and truly see how HER actions are driving certain men away.

The best ways to deal with emotionally immature women is to assertively place boundaries very early on in your relationship with them. It also involves paying enough attention to pick up on her manipulative techniques and call her out on her games.

If you find a woman who is emotionally immature but want to learn how she can learn in this area, then you can choose to really guide her along this process too. This means that you can hold her to a higher standard, treat her like you would an emotionally mature woman and encourage her when she acts like a mature woman. But the best thing about this process is the awareness puts you back into control. So, at the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide what you are willing and not willing to tolerate. This is a very good thing.

I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!

Want more on this topic? Then make sure to check out:

Introducing a New Person Into Your Life

On Codependency And Discovering the Obvious

The New Work/life Balance Struggle

Do We Love or Do We Emulate?

Some Things Really Are Sacred

How My Mom Helped Me Lose My V-Card

I Never Say I Need Him

Blueprint for a Man’s Life

How to Break Your Own Heart

How To Have Better Experiences

News Flash: Sex is a Distraction

The Subtle Allure of A Life More Ordinary

Happiness Hyperopia

Pickup for Feminists

The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility!

Me & the Great Online Dating Experiment

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1620398520) } [5]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-8150070812526234724" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 04 May 2021 15:14:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-05-04T08:14:58.405-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(47) "The Most Frequently Asked Questions about Women" ["description"]=> string(24466) "


Wouldn’t it be great to be in a roomful of smart women, being able to ask anything you want and get honest answers straight from the source? Instead of listening to men on what they think they know what it takes to be a success with women, or ordering their crap at outrageous prices, doesn’t it make better sense to listen to, SMART women on what they want? Each of these answers to the men’s most frequent questions about women will be answered again, but more in detail later on in your book.

These answers come from smart women, not the flighty ones who don’t know what they want. That is what makes a difference in your success with women!

Q: I never know what to say to a woman when out on a date, or trying to get to know her before I ask her out. What does she like to hear?

A: If she didn’t like you, she wouldn’t be on the date with you. In most cases that is. She may just be with you because she is bored, or she is the type who can’t say "no" to people. So you not being able to come up with the words isn’t really a problem. She too may have the same problem. Ever think of that? Many other books would stipulate to just talk about anything. That’s not good advice because it has to be something that interest her, or it might be your last date with her. Ask what she likes, and what her hobbies are, and then talk about them in length. Let her talk about what interests her, and then listen! People love to talk about what they are interested in.

Q: Is there a way a guy can tell if a woman will reject him before he asks her out?

A: No one can tell what the other is thinking. Even if she doesn’t seem interested when you are trying to get her eye contact. She could just be shy, or she is the kind who doesn’t like to flirt. Some women don’t like this for some reason. Instead she would prefer you to just come up to her and introduce yourself. There is no way of telling.

Q: How can I get a woman to go out with me again? It seems like that I can never get another date with her.

A: This can be a complex and long answer. There are many reasons why men aren’t very successful in getting second dates:

1. You’re too boring.

2. She may not like your mannerism

3. She may have just went out with you so she wouldn’t hurt your feelings, or she didn’t have anything else to do.

4. She didn’t like your personality after she got to know you better. "The chemistry wasn’t there."

5. Most women are picky. She looks at a man as a long-term relationship, even if it’s just on that first date. So you have to be almost perfect in her eyes.

Q: I’m not very good looking. How can I be more attractive to women?

A: Believe it or not, there are some women out there who are more attracted to a guy who has a personality, a good attitude, can make her laugh, listens to her and who is also there for her when she needs him. Just making her laugh can make a man more appealing to her. Being a good dresser is also a large part of being more attractive. Just because you don’t think you are that good looking doesn’t mean you are to her. All women have different tastes in men.

Q: Is it really true that a typical woman prefers cuddling rather than having sex?

A: For most women, NO! It’s just that it’s so hard for her to find a man who can arouse and satisfy her. She gets that same fantastic feeling as a man does, so why would she not want that same great feeling also? If you can satisfy her, well then of course she would rather be made love to. It’s afterwards when she wants to do A LOT of cuddling. Not just a wham bam, thank you ma’am.

Q:Why do some women act so defensive and act like they aren’t interested in men when at nightclubs?

A: Well maybe because they aren’t interested. Many go there for the music and to dance. You have to keep in mind that there are far more men than there are women in nightclubs, so they are always being hit on, especially by jerks. Some women get tired of it, so they act defensive. Put yourself in their shoes and you will begin to understand. Just be a gentleman when approaching her. Give a big smile, and don’t take it the wrong way if she says no. Keep trying because most women do go there to meet men. No matter what they may say.

Q:Why do women like to play games, like she shows her interest, but doesn’t call you like she says she will?

A: The same reason the men do …they like to flirt. But when he acts on it, she recoils. It’s very hard to distinguish between flirting and really wanting to go out. They appear as if they are interested, but when you ask them for the date, things suddenly change. We (men and women) are a society of flirts. Who doesn’t like to flirt? But unfortunately some take it too far and land up being teases. Beautiful women especially love to tease men. Then the roles are switched where it’s the women who land up not returning the men’s calls.

Q: I was in this nightclub, and I struck up a conversation with this woman. I asked for her number, which she gave me, but when I called her the next night, she seemed disinterested, and not very talkative, like the night before. This has happened to me a couple of times before. What’s up with that?

A: It’s hard to tell, since I am hearing it from your side only. Instead, answer these questions, TRUTHFULLY: 1. Do you think she was drunk when she gave you her number? If so, she may have done it without thinking. Not many women will give out their home number. There are too many jerks and dorks out there, so we do this for safety / privacy reasons. I will NEVER give out my home number until I get to know him better. It’s usually after that first long date with him before I will do this.

2. She may have changed her mind since then. Haven’t you ever done that with women? But then again there is no reason for her to act childish by not saying much over the phone. If she does, you are better off without her. Also, she may have had a boyfriend. She may have gotten ahead of herself by giving you her number. Many women get into a fight with their boyfriend, or aren’t happy with them, so they will give out their number to the guy who shows her an interest. Later she changes her mind, hopping things will improve with her boyfriend. This happens a lot!

3. Were you acting totally different over the phone? I have spoken to a guy where he came off very cocky and cool / full of himself, when before he wasn’t like this. I don’t know where the transformation came from, but I told him I had to go, and that was that. So, as you can see, it could be many things. But these are probably the reasons why women do this. If this happens again, ask why she seems so disinterested. Hopefully she will act like an adult and tell you why.

Q: How do I keep her interested in me, even after many months of being together?

A: By giving her what she wants. What would keep you interested? By her giving you what you want, right? If she wants more romance from you, give it to her. If she wants you home more often, do that. That’s what makes a great relationship… giving each other what the other wants.

Q: How can a man tell if she is interested in him?

A: She’ll show you the same way you would show her. She’ll flirt, she’ll show you with her eyes, she’ll get close to you, she’ll touch you while she is talking with you and she keeps looking at you. Not hard to figure out, is it? You may have heard about those other signals she gives, like curling her hair, or pointing her body towards you. I have never done any of those things, and neither has most women, because we show it with our eyes. Isn’t that all we need to do?

Q: Is it true that even the attractive women have a hard time when trying to find that right man and that not that many men approach her?

A: You’ve probably heard about how beautiful women don’t get many dates because very few men will come up to her because they are intimidated by her looks. This is true, to an extent, but her loneliness doesn’t last very long. Women like these are hardly ever alone. It just seems that way. If they are alone, it’s just for a short time. It’s up to you to catch her when she is alone during that short time. And that means asking one out any chance you get.

Q:Is it possible for an average or below average-looking guy to get the interest of a beautiful woman?

A: With just about all, no. The odds are stacked high against them. All women are not the same though. If you keep asking, you might eventually find an attractive woman who will like you for your other qualities. If you don’t let rejection discourage you, it is possible that you can meet and date the kind of woman you’re after. Just beware of those teases, because they love to jerk men around in a sexual way. It gives them some sort of power when doing this. The only way you can tell she wants to be with you if she wants to spend at least three dates with you. Otherwise it could be because she has nothing else to do. If that’s the case, then the most you can get from her is two dates, before she moves on.

Q:When a man is out trying to meet women, what usually blows it for him?

A: He’s uptight, dull, or he doesn’t show enough interest when asking her out. Women like men who are full of life. He wants to be with her, and he shows it. He gives warm smiles, and he is full of personality. He gives her his full attention, like she is the only one in the room. Many men are not like this. You have to show her that she is the only thing that matters to you.

Q:Do women get as horny as men and will want it at the drop of a hat?

A: Every woman is different. Some women do get as horny as men. Most don’t. For most women they aren’t as active as men are. Even if they are in the mood, MOST of them would have to like the guy a lot and know him more before jumping into bed with him. You’re horny all the time; most women are in the mood maybe one week out of the month, with a few days thrown in here and there.

Q: Can women really tell the difference when a man has his hair done at an expensive salon or just a barber? Can you tell if that suit he is wearing is top of the line or he bought it at a store, like Sears?

A: Many women have commented that they have had several boyfriends in the past, and they all went to a barber. They look just as good as any other man who would go to those salons. You simply cannot tell the difference. As for his wardrobe, if he looks nice and his clothes fit him, it doesn’t matter if they are expensive or not. In some instances you can tell. That’s only because these men obviously did their own shopping. If they would have had a woman with him, she could have easily picked out a cheap suit that looks just as good as an expensive, tailored cut version. It’s all about where you shop and your tastes.

Other than the suits, men can go shopping at inexpensive places like JC Penny or Sears and get fashionable shirts and pants that women like. Purple shirts, with khaki shorts or pants are my favorite. You don’t have to do your shopping at top-dollar stores. Some men feel that they have to spend a lot of money in order to look good. A twenty-dollar dress shirt, a pair of thirty-five dollar khakis and a pair of thirty-dollar loafers is all it really takes, as long as these clothes look good and have style.

Q:What about those classes for men on how to be more successful with women.

A: I don’t know anything about that, but let me ask you this: Why ask a man what he thinks when you should be asking a woman? There have always been and always will be books that are written by men… WHO LISTEN TO WOMEN ON WHAT THEY WANT, talk shows, and magazine articles that explain what women REALLY want from a man. Why should any man have to go to a class? The most important things to always keep in mind is: Know how to dress, have a sense of humor, be interesting, have energy … exciting (not all the time of course), and be nice … like a friend. With many women, the rest will follow.

Q: The women at my office complex are standoffish, and when I try to strike up a conversation with other women when at the food court at the mall, it’s as if I’m in a bar. Why do women act like that?

A: Not all women act like that. The ones you’ve encountered though it could be several things. How do you rate your appearance? This is a sad fact, but people don’t get very favorable responses from the opposite sex because of this? How is your attitude? Is it an attitude of God’s gift to women? Most women will not warm up kindly to men like this, unless of course he does indeed have the looks to back it up.

Do you have bad breath? Are you looking at her like she’s a piece of meat? Food courts have an atmosphere where it’s kind of awkward to just go up and introduce yourself. These days many women are leery of strange men, especially in big cities. Are you, JUST sitting there in the food court, dragging on a cigarette? She may very well be wondering why are you sitting in a food court for so long. Then here you come towards her.

You give the impression that all women you approach are standoffish. Is it really ALL women, or is it just the very attractive ones you approach? Some of you guys will approach just a few women, and when you get rejected, you then say all women are, as you put it, "standoffish." I have to admit that many women are indeed cold and unfriendly, but you don’t need a woman like that anyway. Don’t put all women in the same boat. Also, just the way you approach her can get her reeling the other way, especially if you were STARING at her beforehand. Some women can easily be freaked out by this, especially when a strange man approaches her at a mall food court.

Taking it real slow and being very friendly and warm is what it takes in an atmosphere like this. Try giving her a warm smile from across the room, then look down, appearing a little shy and harmless. Most women like that. Then a little later on go up to her and introduce yourself, and tell her that you know this is awkward but you just had to do something to get her attention. Tell her that you would love to get together with her sometime, and then hand her a note with your phone number. A HOME PHONE NUMBER, NOT SOME BEEPER NUMBER!

Don’t ever ask a stranger for her number. Not even her beeper number. She doesn’t know you! Then give her a big smile, and then leave. It’s that simple! If you aren’t much for words in a situation like this or you are feeling awkward, it’s best to just leave anyway. Leave her thinking about you.

Q: I have, I don’t know how many books on dating women. There are two things that I am still confused on. First, is it or is it not better to be a friend to a woman to whom a man wants to get to know better intimately? And second, do women like "nice guys"?

A: I don’t know much about these books either, but I, as a woman would think that nearly all these books on this subject are written by men, and most don’t know much about what women think because they don’t take the time to ask them the questions men want answers to. They just assume. I always run into men like this. YES, it is always best to be her friend first. Then gradually throw hints her way that you would like to be more than just friends. If she doesn’t respond, it’s because she isn’t interested in you that way. And it wasn’t because you were her buddy. That has nothing to do with it! There was no click for her. Just brush yourself off, act like an adult about it and keep being her friend. Find another woman to take her place. Haven’t you ever heard of couples being long-time friends and later on fell in love and got married? It’s just a matter of the man having the right qualities that she is attracted to.

Why wouldn’t a woman be attracted to a man who is her friend and who has the qualities she looks for in a man? She may very well be interested in him, but she is afraid to say something, fearing that he may not be interested. Women are more shy and hesitant in this area. It’s usually the men who act first because their sexual urges push them into it.

As for the second question, women don’t like it when he is ALWAYS nice, like he’s a doormat. They want a man who has a mixture of being nice (mostly nice), being cocky, bratty, funny, unpredictable and speak his own mind. Not one who does everything she tells him to do, or goes along because she wants it, even though he doesn’t. "Whipped"! They want a mixture of everything. I’ll admit that there are some screwed up women out there who are attracted to jerks, but not all women are like this. A good woman wouldn’t think that all men as being sex hungry pigs, wanting nothing but big-breasted women. Is that fair to you?

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" ["link"]=> string(84) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/05/the-most-frequently-asked-questions.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(24466) "


Wouldn’t it be great to be in a roomful of smart women, being able to ask anything you want and get honest answers straight from the source? Instead of listening to men on what they think they know what it takes to be a success with women, or ordering their crap at outrageous prices, doesn’t it make better sense to listen to, SMART women on what they want? Each of these answers to the men’s most frequent questions about women will be answered again, but more in detail later on in your book.

These answers come from smart women, not the flighty ones who don’t know what they want. That is what makes a difference in your success with women!

Q: I never know what to say to a woman when out on a date, or trying to get to know her before I ask her out. What does she like to hear?

A: If she didn’t like you, she wouldn’t be on the date with you. In most cases that is. She may just be with you because she is bored, or she is the type who can’t say "no" to people. So you not being able to come up with the words isn’t really a problem. She too may have the same problem. Ever think of that? Many other books would stipulate to just talk about anything. That’s not good advice because it has to be something that interest her, or it might be your last date with her. Ask what she likes, and what her hobbies are, and then talk about them in length. Let her talk about what interests her, and then listen! People love to talk about what they are interested in.

Q: Is there a way a guy can tell if a woman will reject him before he asks her out?

A: No one can tell what the other is thinking. Even if she doesn’t seem interested when you are trying to get her eye contact. She could just be shy, or she is the kind who doesn’t like to flirt. Some women don’t like this for some reason. Instead she would prefer you to just come up to her and introduce yourself. There is no way of telling.

Q: How can I get a woman to go out with me again? It seems like that I can never get another date with her.

A: This can be a complex and long answer. There are many reasons why men aren’t very successful in getting second dates:

1. You’re too boring.

2. She may not like your mannerism

3. She may have just went out with you so she wouldn’t hurt your feelings, or she didn’t have anything else to do.

4. She didn’t like your personality after she got to know you better. "The chemistry wasn’t there."

5. Most women are picky. She looks at a man as a long-term relationship, even if it’s just on that first date. So you have to be almost perfect in her eyes.

Q: I’m not very good looking. How can I be more attractive to women?

A: Believe it or not, there are some women out there who are more attracted to a guy who has a personality, a good attitude, can make her laugh, listens to her and who is also there for her when she needs him. Just making her laugh can make a man more appealing to her. Being a good dresser is also a large part of being more attractive. Just because you don’t think you are that good looking doesn’t mean you are to her. All women have different tastes in men.

Q: Is it really true that a typical woman prefers cuddling rather than having sex?

A: For most women, NO! It’s just that it’s so hard for her to find a man who can arouse and satisfy her. She gets that same fantastic feeling as a man does, so why would she not want that same great feeling also? If you can satisfy her, well then of course she would rather be made love to. It’s afterwards when she wants to do A LOT of cuddling. Not just a wham bam, thank you ma’am.

Q:Why do some women act so defensive and act like they aren’t interested in men when at nightclubs?

A: Well maybe because they aren’t interested. Many go there for the music and to dance. You have to keep in mind that there are far more men than there are women in nightclubs, so they are always being hit on, especially by jerks. Some women get tired of it, so they act defensive. Put yourself in their shoes and you will begin to understand. Just be a gentleman when approaching her. Give a big smile, and don’t take it the wrong way if she says no. Keep trying because most women do go there to meet men. No matter what they may say.

Q:Why do women like to play games, like she shows her interest, but doesn’t call you like she says she will?

A: The same reason the men do …they like to flirt. But when he acts on it, she recoils. It’s very hard to distinguish between flirting and really wanting to go out. They appear as if they are interested, but when you ask them for the date, things suddenly change. We (men and women) are a society of flirts. Who doesn’t like to flirt? But unfortunately some take it too far and land up being teases. Beautiful women especially love to tease men. Then the roles are switched where it’s the women who land up not returning the men’s calls.

Q: I was in this nightclub, and I struck up a conversation with this woman. I asked for her number, which she gave me, but when I called her the next night, she seemed disinterested, and not very talkative, like the night before. This has happened to me a couple of times before. What’s up with that?

A: It’s hard to tell, since I am hearing it from your side only. Instead, answer these questions, TRUTHFULLY: 1. Do you think she was drunk when she gave you her number? If so, she may have done it without thinking. Not many women will give out their home number. There are too many jerks and dorks out there, so we do this for safety / privacy reasons. I will NEVER give out my home number until I get to know him better. It’s usually after that first long date with him before I will do this.

2. She may have changed her mind since then. Haven’t you ever done that with women? But then again there is no reason for her to act childish by not saying much over the phone. If she does, you are better off without her. Also, she may have had a boyfriend. She may have gotten ahead of herself by giving you her number. Many women get into a fight with their boyfriend, or aren’t happy with them, so they will give out their number to the guy who shows her an interest. Later she changes her mind, hopping things will improve with her boyfriend. This happens a lot!

3. Were you acting totally different over the phone? I have spoken to a guy where he came off very cocky and cool / full of himself, when before he wasn’t like this. I don’t know where the transformation came from, but I told him I had to go, and that was that. So, as you can see, it could be many things. But these are probably the reasons why women do this. If this happens again, ask why she seems so disinterested. Hopefully she will act like an adult and tell you why.

Q: How do I keep her interested in me, even after many months of being together?

A: By giving her what she wants. What would keep you interested? By her giving you what you want, right? If she wants more romance from you, give it to her. If she wants you home more often, do that. That’s what makes a great relationship… giving each other what the other wants.

Q: How can a man tell if she is interested in him?

A: She’ll show you the same way you would show her. She’ll flirt, she’ll show you with her eyes, she’ll get close to you, she’ll touch you while she is talking with you and she keeps looking at you. Not hard to figure out, is it? You may have heard about those other signals she gives, like curling her hair, or pointing her body towards you. I have never done any of those things, and neither has most women, because we show it with our eyes. Isn’t that all we need to do?

Q: Is it true that even the attractive women have a hard time when trying to find that right man and that not that many men approach her?

A: You’ve probably heard about how beautiful women don’t get many dates because very few men will come up to her because they are intimidated by her looks. This is true, to an extent, but her loneliness doesn’t last very long. Women like these are hardly ever alone. It just seems that way. If they are alone, it’s just for a short time. It’s up to you to catch her when she is alone during that short time. And that means asking one out any chance you get.

Q:Is it possible for an average or below average-looking guy to get the interest of a beautiful woman?

A: With just about all, no. The odds are stacked high against them. All women are not the same though. If you keep asking, you might eventually find an attractive woman who will like you for your other qualities. If you don’t let rejection discourage you, it is possible that you can meet and date the kind of woman you’re after. Just beware of those teases, because they love to jerk men around in a sexual way. It gives them some sort of power when doing this. The only way you can tell she wants to be with you if she wants to spend at least three dates with you. Otherwise it could be because she has nothing else to do. If that’s the case, then the most you can get from her is two dates, before she moves on.

Q:When a man is out trying to meet women, what usually blows it for him?

A: He’s uptight, dull, or he doesn’t show enough interest when asking her out. Women like men who are full of life. He wants to be with her, and he shows it. He gives warm smiles, and he is full of personality. He gives her his full attention, like she is the only one in the room. Many men are not like this. You have to show her that she is the only thing that matters to you.

Q:Do women get as horny as men and will want it at the drop of a hat?

A: Every woman is different. Some women do get as horny as men. Most don’t. For most women they aren’t as active as men are. Even if they are in the mood, MOST of them would have to like the guy a lot and know him more before jumping into bed with him. You’re horny all the time; most women are in the mood maybe one week out of the month, with a few days thrown in here and there.

Q: Can women really tell the difference when a man has his hair done at an expensive salon or just a barber? Can you tell if that suit he is wearing is top of the line or he bought it at a store, like Sears?

A: Many women have commented that they have had several boyfriends in the past, and they all went to a barber. They look just as good as any other man who would go to those salons. You simply cannot tell the difference. As for his wardrobe, if he looks nice and his clothes fit him, it doesn’t matter if they are expensive or not. In some instances you can tell. That’s only because these men obviously did their own shopping. If they would have had a woman with him, she could have easily picked out a cheap suit that looks just as good as an expensive, tailored cut version. It’s all about where you shop and your tastes.

Other than the suits, men can go shopping at inexpensive places like JC Penny or Sears and get fashionable shirts and pants that women like. Purple shirts, with khaki shorts or pants are my favorite. You don’t have to do your shopping at top-dollar stores. Some men feel that they have to spend a lot of money in order to look good. A twenty-dollar dress shirt, a pair of thirty-five dollar khakis and a pair of thirty-dollar loafers is all it really takes, as long as these clothes look good and have style.

Q:What about those classes for men on how to be more successful with women.

A: I don’t know anything about that, but let me ask you this: Why ask a man what he thinks when you should be asking a woman? There have always been and always will be books that are written by men… WHO LISTEN TO WOMEN ON WHAT THEY WANT, talk shows, and magazine articles that explain what women REALLY want from a man. Why should any man have to go to a class? The most important things to always keep in mind is: Know how to dress, have a sense of humor, be interesting, have energy … exciting (not all the time of course), and be nice … like a friend. With many women, the rest will follow.

Q: The women at my office complex are standoffish, and when I try to strike up a conversation with other women when at the food court at the mall, it’s as if I’m in a bar. Why do women act like that?

A: Not all women act like that. The ones you’ve encountered though it could be several things. How do you rate your appearance? This is a sad fact, but people don’t get very favorable responses from the opposite sex because of this? How is your attitude? Is it an attitude of God’s gift to women? Most women will not warm up kindly to men like this, unless of course he does indeed have the looks to back it up.

Do you have bad breath? Are you looking at her like she’s a piece of meat? Food courts have an atmosphere where it’s kind of awkward to just go up and introduce yourself. These days many women are leery of strange men, especially in big cities. Are you, JUST sitting there in the food court, dragging on a cigarette? She may very well be wondering why are you sitting in a food court for so long. Then here you come towards her.

You give the impression that all women you approach are standoffish. Is it really ALL women, or is it just the very attractive ones you approach? Some of you guys will approach just a few women, and when you get rejected, you then say all women are, as you put it, "standoffish." I have to admit that many women are indeed cold and unfriendly, but you don’t need a woman like that anyway. Don’t put all women in the same boat. Also, just the way you approach her can get her reeling the other way, especially if you were STARING at her beforehand. Some women can easily be freaked out by this, especially when a strange man approaches her at a mall food court.

Taking it real slow and being very friendly and warm is what it takes in an atmosphere like this. Try giving her a warm smile from across the room, then look down, appearing a little shy and harmless. Most women like that. Then a little later on go up to her and introduce yourself, and tell her that you know this is awkward but you just had to do something to get her attention. Tell her that you would love to get together with her sometime, and then hand her a note with your phone number. A HOME PHONE NUMBER, NOT SOME BEEPER NUMBER!

Don’t ever ask a stranger for her number. Not even her beeper number. She doesn’t know you! Then give her a big smile, and then leave. It’s that simple! If you aren’t much for words in a situation like this or you are feeling awkward, it’s best to just leave anyway. Leave her thinking about you.

Q: I have, I don’t know how many books on dating women. There are two things that I am still confused on. First, is it or is it not better to be a friend to a woman to whom a man wants to get to know better intimately? And second, do women like "nice guys"?

A: I don’t know much about these books either, but I, as a woman would think that nearly all these books on this subject are written by men, and most don’t know much about what women think because they don’t take the time to ask them the questions men want answers to. They just assume. I always run into men like this. YES, it is always best to be her friend first. Then gradually throw hints her way that you would like to be more than just friends. If she doesn’t respond, it’s because she isn’t interested in you that way. And it wasn’t because you were her buddy. That has nothing to do with it! There was no click for her. Just brush yourself off, act like an adult about it and keep being her friend. Find another woman to take her place. Haven’t you ever heard of couples being long-time friends and later on fell in love and got married? It’s just a matter of the man having the right qualities that she is attracted to.

Why wouldn’t a woman be attracted to a man who is her friend and who has the qualities she looks for in a man? She may very well be interested in him, but she is afraid to say something, fearing that he may not be interested. Women are more shy and hesitant in this area. It’s usually the men who act first because their sexual urges push them into it.

As for the second question, women don’t like it when he is ALWAYS nice, like he’s a doormat. They want a man who has a mixture of being nice (mostly nice), being cocky, bratty, funny, unpredictable and speak his own mind. Not one who does everything she tells him to do, or goes along because she wants it, even though he doesn’t. "Whipped"! They want a mixture of everything. I’ll admit that there are some screwed up women out there who are attracted to jerks, but not all women are like this. A good woman wouldn’t think that all men as being sex hungry pigs, wanting nothing but big-breasted women. Is that fair to you?

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" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1620141240) } [6]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-6667401889375664250" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 30 Apr 2021 10:46:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-04-30T03:46:51.115-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(23) "The Danger of Rejection" ["description"]=> string(9308) "

This article is not about rejection on a date or rejection for a job application, but for people who are in a long lasting relationship.

Have you ever been rejected? Hurts doesn’t it? Yeah it really hurts when it happens, but most are taking it far to lightly. A simple rejection can destroy all trust built up between you and it doesn’t matter how big your wallet is or how big your heart is. Let me tell you a story:

I have been rejected numerous times, but for me, it’s a part of life. Some things works and some things don’t. I get over it pretty quickly. This is important, people are different. When I have rejected someone I love and that person really feels the betrayal, I am quite shocked at first, but then I realize the major mistake I have made. A lot of trust that I have built up could be gone in an instant. That is the danger and power of rejection.

So what should we do? Should we just accept everything? Should we always agree and never disagree? Of course not, but there are ways to limit the blow so to speak. Here’s a scenario, you are working on your latest project and your partner is working on his or her schoolwork:

* Honey, can you help me with the schoolwork?
- Uh, I’m a little busy here. Can I Work?

FAILURE!

You might not even realize it, but what you have unleashed is a snowball that keeps on rolling. If that person can’t handle rejected as well as you can, then you both are in trouble. It might seem like a small thing to you, but this is huge. A rejection like this can hurt really bad and make you out to be a bad person even though you are not. Here’s what you should do instead:

* Honey, can you help me with the schoolwork?
- Sure honey! I’d love to! Just finishing up here. Can we do it in about 5-10 minutes?

This is an honest question. You can argue that the first one was a question too, but the devil is in the details. In the beginning you open up with a massive confirmation. You would LOVE to help. This alone makes a huge difference and makes your partner feel like you really care for him or her. In 99% of cases I bet the answer would be:

* Great! Take all the time you need honey, I will be here waiting.

Then all is smiles and happiness. If you did a massive rejection like the first scenario, then it would be a blow that could be very hard to recover from. I have done this myself sometimes without thinking and I still feel guilt and pain from it so be respectful to the one you love and never ever reject that person. This is a person whom you love and care deeply for, a person who rely on you to be a loving and caring person.

I hope you have learned a thing or two about rejection and how to proper formulate an answer. Always open up with a massive confirmation, this is the key, no matter what it is. Even if it pains you to say yes, just do it anyway and the rewards will be many. Like I said before you don’t need to agree with everything, but this is not the issue here. Always confirm, then you can ask a question whether it will be appropriate to do it a little later.

What do you think of rejection? Answer in the comments section below.

References:

Love after divorce: How dating did it for me
5 Top Tips for Boosting Your Confidence With Dating
Five Biggest Lies Dating Women Believe and How I Overcame Them
What Not to Talk About: First Date Guidance
Dating Non-negotiables
Playing the Dating Game After Divorce
Flirting Efficiency – Tips for a Great Web Flirt
Toxic Relationships: True Love Doesn’t Make You Suffer
To Date or Not to Date a Two-Time Loser
About Men: Do You Speak Male?
Gay Dating – Finding Love in the Gay Community
How to Fight With Your Wife
7 WAYS TO WOO WOMEN ON BUMBLE




" ["link"]=> string(87) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/04/this-article-is-not-about-rejection-on.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(9308) "

This article is not about rejection on a date or rejection for a job application, but for people who are in a long lasting relationship.

Have you ever been rejected? Hurts doesn’t it? Yeah it really hurts when it happens, but most are taking it far to lightly. A simple rejection can destroy all trust built up between you and it doesn’t matter how big your wallet is or how big your heart is. Let me tell you a story:

I have been rejected numerous times, but for me, it’s a part of life. Some things works and some things don’t. I get over it pretty quickly. This is important, people are different. When I have rejected someone I love and that person really feels the betrayal, I am quite shocked at first, but then I realize the major mistake I have made. A lot of trust that I have built up could be gone in an instant. That is the danger and power of rejection.

So what should we do? Should we just accept everything? Should we always agree and never disagree? Of course not, but there are ways to limit the blow so to speak. Here’s a scenario, you are working on your latest project and your partner is working on his or her schoolwork:

* Honey, can you help me with the schoolwork?
- Uh, I’m a little busy here. Can I Work?

FAILURE!

You might not even realize it, but what you have unleashed is a snowball that keeps on rolling. If that person can’t handle rejected as well as you can, then you both are in trouble. It might seem like a small thing to you, but this is huge. A rejection like this can hurt really bad and make you out to be a bad person even though you are not. Here’s what you should do instead:

* Honey, can you help me with the schoolwork?
- Sure honey! I’d love to! Just finishing up here. Can we do it in about 5-10 minutes?

This is an honest question. You can argue that the first one was a question too, but the devil is in the details. In the beginning you open up with a massive confirmation. You would LOVE to help. This alone makes a huge difference and makes your partner feel like you really care for him or her. In 99% of cases I bet the answer would be:

* Great! Take all the time you need honey, I will be here waiting.

Then all is smiles and happiness. If you did a massive rejection like the first scenario, then it would be a blow that could be very hard to recover from. I have done this myself sometimes without thinking and I still feel guilt and pain from it so be respectful to the one you love and never ever reject that person. This is a person whom you love and care deeply for, a person who rely on you to be a loving and caring person.

I hope you have learned a thing or two about rejection and how to proper formulate an answer. Always open up with a massive confirmation, this is the key, no matter what it is. Even if it pains you to say yes, just do it anyway and the rewards will be many. Like I said before you don’t need to agree with everything, but this is not the issue here. Always confirm, then you can ask a question whether it will be appropriate to do it a little later.

What do you think of rejection? Answer in the comments section below.

References:

Love after divorce: How dating did it for me
5 Top Tips for Boosting Your Confidence With Dating
Five Biggest Lies Dating Women Believe and How I Overcame Them
What Not to Talk About: First Date Guidance
Dating Non-negotiables
Playing the Dating Game After Divorce
Flirting Efficiency – Tips for a Great Web Flirt
Toxic Relationships: True Love Doesn’t Make You Suffer
To Date or Not to Date a Two-Time Loser
About Men: Do You Speak Male?
Gay Dating – Finding Love in the Gay Community
How to Fight With Your Wife
7 WAYS TO WOO WOMEN ON BUMBLE




" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1619779560) } [7]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-8137398169124245421" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 02 Apr 2021 09:29:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-04-02T02:30:06.878-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(13) "Casual Dining" ["description"]=> string(18589) "

 I’m too early.

Sitting in my car

Hair perfect

Make up pristine

There is nothing to adjust

Nothing to fix.

Just me

As I am

Or at least the more

polished version.

Hoping that who I am and what you want

have some kind of happy convergence

Hoping the Venn Diagram of love

has less curves than I do.

More spherical

Like the Fullness of that woman’s tummy

checking her phone on the bench outside

the restaurant waiting

for the father.

She probably put her name in

But I won’t.

Don’t even want the hostess to know

that I’m here early

that I’m so eager

that I don’t have anything better to do

but bet on you.

Even if I did I’d drop it all for you.

I hate having so much skin in the game.

But I do.

I have my skin

my blood

my heart

all on the line

for you.

When I thought I just got all my shit together

five minutes before I met you.

 


I flip the channels on the radio.

Hoping to hear a song to match my mood

to match us.

But everything is too happy

too sappy

too sad.

There are hardly any songs about casual romance

They are hardly worth the ink.

Because it takes two to make a harmony

two separate melodies, no matter how lovely

make noise

even when they are in the same key.

 

But we get along

Me, singing to the beat of my own drum.

You, whistling “Dixie.”

 

And its not that you are not satisfying.

Its just that I know I’ll still be hungry.

You are interesting, flavorful, and I crave you

like a drug

but I do not need you, like sustenance.

 

Tonight we’ll eat, we’ll laugh

I’ll be charming and you’ll pick up the check.

You’ll take me home

But I know I’ll wake up in my own bed in the morning

Hungry, waiting,

and my hair will be a mess.

Related Reading:

Salmon Arm Loveawake Personals

Bradford Loveawake Personals

Sydney Loveawake Personals

150 Mile House Loveawake Personals

Peace River Loveawake Personals

 



" ["link"]=> string(62) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/04/casual-dining.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(18589) "

 I’m too early.

Sitting in my car

Hair perfect

Make up pristine

There is nothing to adjust

Nothing to fix.

Just me

As I am

Or at least the more

polished version.

Hoping that who I am and what you want

have some kind of happy convergence

Hoping the Venn Diagram of love

has less curves than I do.

More spherical

Like the Fullness of that woman’s tummy

checking her phone on the bench outside

the restaurant waiting

for the father.

She probably put her name in

But I won’t.

Don’t even want the hostess to know

that I’m here early

that I’m so eager

that I don’t have anything better to do

but bet on you.

Even if I did I’d drop it all for you.

I hate having so much skin in the game.

But I do.

I have my skin

my blood

my heart

all on the line

for you.

When I thought I just got all my shit together

five minutes before I met you.

 


I flip the channels on the radio.

Hoping to hear a song to match my mood

to match us.

But everything is too happy

too sappy

too sad.

There are hardly any songs about casual romance

They are hardly worth the ink.

Because it takes two to make a harmony

two separate melodies, no matter how lovely

make noise

even when they are in the same key.

 

But we get along

Me, singing to the beat of my own drum.

You, whistling “Dixie.”

 

And its not that you are not satisfying.

Its just that I know I’ll still be hungry.

You are interesting, flavorful, and I crave you

like a drug

but I do not need you, like sustenance.

 

Tonight we’ll eat, we’ll laugh

I’ll be charming and you’ll pick up the check.

You’ll take me home

But I know I’ll wake up in my own bed in the morning

Hungry, waiting,

and my hair will be a mess.

Related Reading:

Salmon Arm Loveawake Personals

Bradford Loveawake Personals

Sydney Loveawake Personals

150 Mile House Loveawake Personals

Peace River Loveawake Personals

 



" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1617355740) } [8]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(69) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-381802599353770681" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 01 Apr 2021 11:03:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-04-01T04:04:08.233-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(37) "New Year’s Eve Anonymous Confession" ["description"]=> string(8406) "

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I spent New Year’s Eve with my family in a time zone 2 hours ahead of where I live.  So when my phone rang at 1:45am, while I was sleeping in the same room as mother, I answered it in a great deal of confusion.  A male voice asked whether he was talking to me, and I said “yes?”  The voice on the other end of the phone then proceeded to say: “I have always loved you.”  I was stunned, groggy, didn’t know what else to say, didn’t want to wake my mother, and had no idea to whom I was speaking — other than that it wasn’t my current flame, who has a decided accent.  So I wrote it off as either a practical joke or a little bit of kindness floating around in the world.

Fast forward to late March, and I received a voicemail from an old family friend — someone I’ve always viewed as a rather messed-up older brother — saying that he thinks he owes me an apology “from about three and a half months ago” and “if you don’t call back, I guess I’ll understand.”

So here’s the quandry: what do I do?  I have NO romantic interest in Old Family Friend, and what I want is to completely ignore the situation and hope that when I see Old Family Friend sometime this spring (which is likely), we can be cordial with each other. However, I know that he’s at a low point in his life right now (I suspect mid-life crisis, depression, substance abuse, the works).  I don’t want to be unfair to someone who might need my support. ~Might Have a Stalker~

https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Quebec/city-of-Quebec.html?page=7   Quebec personals
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Alberta/city-of-Slave-Lake.html?page=7  Slave Lake personals
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Ontario/city-of-North-York.html?page=7North York personals
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Ontario/city-of-Markham.html?page=7Markham personals
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Saskatchewan/city-of-Yorkton.html?page=7  Yorkton personals

Dear MHS: The Bitter Single Guy thinks it’s hella noble of you to spend as much time considering Old Family Friend’s feelings and life situation while you ponder how to respond. But the BSG doesn’t think that’s the right approach here. Whether mid-life crisis or depression or something worse, Old Family Friend lives by the same social rules that you and the BSG live with. Calling someone (the BSG hopes it was Drunk Dialing, because if he called you out of the blue while totally sober, well that’s just creepy) on New Year’s Eve to pronounce your love with no warning is just tacky.  The BSG assumes, given the mid-life crisis possibility, that Old Family Friend isn’t 15, which would make this behavior just as tacky, but understandable.

MHS, don’t ignore this. If you actually care a whit for Old Family Friend you’ll expect him to deal with you appropriately which includes honest communication. He has a right to express his attraction to you in a socially acceptable fashion, by inviting you to coffee or some such innocent activity. You, of course, also have the right to demur in equally socially acceptable ways. Since he’s chosen to go the 15 year old route, the BSG hopes you still decide to be the adult.

The BSG doesn’t usually recommend email, but in this case he would allow it because the impersonal nature of an email would emphasize your point. “Dear Old Family Friend: I got your voicemail and appreciate you clearing up the mystery of who woke me from a sound sleep on New Year’s Eve. I accept your apology and appreciate you letting me know that it was you. While I appreciate our family friendship, that’s the extent of my interest in our relationship. I understand how these misunderstanding can happen however, and am sure we’ll laugh about it when we see each other this spring.”

The BSG thinks this approach can both preserve the cordiality of your relationship while making it clear that his confession wasn’t welcome. The likely result is that Old Family Friend will be hugely embarrassed, which will be appropriate. It’s likely that he’s entertaining a tiny little fantasy that you’ll be similarly smitten, otherwise he wouldn’t have left you the voicemail. Your job now is to crush that tiny little fantasy. The BSG has toal faith in you here, MHS.

~BSG~

" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/04/new-years-eve-anonymous-confession.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(8406) "

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I spent New Year’s Eve with my family in a time zone 2 hours ahead of where I live.  So when my phone rang at 1:45am, while I was sleeping in the same room as mother, I answered it in a great deal of confusion.  A male voice asked whether he was talking to me, and I said “yes?”  The voice on the other end of the phone then proceeded to say: “I have always loved you.”  I was stunned, groggy, didn’t know what else to say, didn’t want to wake my mother, and had no idea to whom I was speaking — other than that it wasn’t my current flame, who has a decided accent.  So I wrote it off as either a practical joke or a little bit of kindness floating around in the world.

Fast forward to late March, and I received a voicemail from an old family friend — someone I’ve always viewed as a rather messed-up older brother — saying that he thinks he owes me an apology “from about three and a half months ago” and “if you don’t call back, I guess I’ll understand.”

So here’s the quandry: what do I do?  I have NO romantic interest in Old Family Friend, and what I want is to completely ignore the situation and hope that when I see Old Family Friend sometime this spring (which is likely), we can be cordial with each other. However, I know that he’s at a low point in his life right now (I suspect mid-life crisis, depression, substance abuse, the works).  I don’t want to be unfair to someone who might need my support. ~Might Have a Stalker~

https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Quebec/city-of-Quebec.html?page=7   Quebec personals
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Alberta/city-of-Slave-Lake.html?page=7  Slave Lake personals
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Ontario/city-of-North-York.html?page=7North York personals
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Ontario/city-of-Markham.html?page=7Markham personals
https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Canada/Saskatchewan/city-of-Yorkton.html?page=7  Yorkton personals

Dear MHS: The Bitter Single Guy thinks it’s hella noble of you to spend as much time considering Old Family Friend’s feelings and life situation while you ponder how to respond. But the BSG doesn’t think that’s the right approach here. Whether mid-life crisis or depression or something worse, Old Family Friend lives by the same social rules that you and the BSG live with. Calling someone (the BSG hopes it was Drunk Dialing, because if he called you out of the blue while totally sober, well that’s just creepy) on New Year’s Eve to pronounce your love with no warning is just tacky.  The BSG assumes, given the mid-life crisis possibility, that Old Family Friend isn’t 15, which would make this behavior just as tacky, but understandable.

MHS, don’t ignore this. If you actually care a whit for Old Family Friend you’ll expect him to deal with you appropriately which includes honest communication. He has a right to express his attraction to you in a socially acceptable fashion, by inviting you to coffee or some such innocent activity. You, of course, also have the right to demur in equally socially acceptable ways. Since he’s chosen to go the 15 year old route, the BSG hopes you still decide to be the adult.

The BSG doesn’t usually recommend email, but in this case he would allow it because the impersonal nature of an email would emphasize your point. “Dear Old Family Friend: I got your voicemail and appreciate you clearing up the mystery of who woke me from a sound sleep on New Year’s Eve. I accept your apology and appreciate you letting me know that it was you. While I appreciate our family friendship, that’s the extent of my interest in our relationship. I understand how these misunderstanding can happen however, and am sure we’ll laugh about it when we see each other this spring.”

The BSG thinks this approach can both preserve the cordiality of your relationship while making it clear that his confession wasn’t welcome. The likely result is that Old Family Friend will be hugely embarrassed, which will be appropriate. It’s likely that he’s entertaining a tiny little fantasy that you’ll be similarly smitten, otherwise he wouldn’t have left you the voicemail. Your job now is to crush that tiny little fantasy. The BSG has toal faith in you here, MHS.

~BSG~

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1617274980) } [9]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-6723609382436123566" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 25 Mar 2021 16:41:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-03-25T09:41:44.647-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(23) "He Covers All the Bases" ["description"]=> string(14816) "

 Dear Bitter Single Guy: here are the specs in a nutshell. I am 26, well rounded with brawn, brain, talent and youthful looks. I’m a broke college student, but I’m persistent and slowly making it. Having a hard time finding girls interested who are not my friends, fat or old or all of the above.

Most of the time I get by with personality, but I’m starting to wonder if mother nature is right about hot young females choosing the older bucks who are capable of providing more for their young and the short young bucks tend to get overlooked and abandoned through society, will I have to conquer a small country to be noticed by a girl I actually like? Lay it on me BSG ~Really Short Jewish Man~

Dear RSJM: The Bitter Single Guy is proud of your practical approach to finding what’s missing. Frankly; with brawn, brains, talent and youthfulness, the BSG wonders why the dames aren’t just falling down around your feet.   What you didn’t mention is what you’re doing to find these non-friend, non-fat, non-old chicks?

*Side note: the BSG will address the old and fat points momentarily. Please stand by*

RSJM, are you trying online dating? In sales language, we refer to that as “filling your pipeline” (which made some of you instantly think of something else to which the BSG says “ewwww”). Dating online can, as we all know, be soul-crushing; but if you’ve got the goods (and RSJM a confident attitude is a necessary component that you seem to have), then you should get out there.

Other than getting out there and looking rather than waiting for love to knock on your door, the BSG recommends finding creative outlets for all your brawn and brains. Get a hobby, join a club, take up some athletic endeavor…whatever it is, find a group that is interested in the same kind of activity. You’ll end up meeting all kinds of like-minded folks.

Additionally RSJM, if you’re being passed over by girls who are falling for older bucks, then the good news is that you’ll age into view for the girls you’re most attracted to.

By the way RSJM, the BSG warns you to be careful. The Universe listens to folks trying to avoid old, fat, (or whatever) folks and if you’re not careful you’ll find yourself falling hard for a portly 50 year-old. If that happens well then Mazal Tov. ~BSG~

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Cross-Atlantic Marriage

When Prison Romance Goes Bad

Dating Advice to the Advice Guy

Dumped by Spineless Boy

Searching For a Soul-Mate

When Humor Hurts

What Being Dumped Looks Like

" ["link"]=> string(68) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/03/he-covers-all-bases.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(14816) "

 Dear Bitter Single Guy: here are the specs in a nutshell. I am 26, well rounded with brawn, brain, talent and youthful looks. I’m a broke college student, but I’m persistent and slowly making it. Having a hard time finding girls interested who are not my friends, fat or old or all of the above.

Most of the time I get by with personality, but I’m starting to wonder if mother nature is right about hot young females choosing the older bucks who are capable of providing more for their young and the short young bucks tend to get overlooked and abandoned through society, will I have to conquer a small country to be noticed by a girl I actually like? Lay it on me BSG ~Really Short Jewish Man~

Dear RSJM: The Bitter Single Guy is proud of your practical approach to finding what’s missing. Frankly; with brawn, brains, talent and youthfulness, the BSG wonders why the dames aren’t just falling down around your feet.   What you didn’t mention is what you’re doing to find these non-friend, non-fat, non-old chicks?

*Side note: the BSG will address the old and fat points momentarily. Please stand by*

RSJM, are you trying online dating? In sales language, we refer to that as “filling your pipeline” (which made some of you instantly think of something else to which the BSG says “ewwww”). Dating online can, as we all know, be soul-crushing; but if you’ve got the goods (and RSJM a confident attitude is a necessary component that you seem to have), then you should get out there.

Other than getting out there and looking rather than waiting for love to knock on your door, the BSG recommends finding creative outlets for all your brawn and brains. Get a hobby, join a club, take up some athletic endeavor…whatever it is, find a group that is interested in the same kind of activity. You’ll end up meeting all kinds of like-minded folks.

Additionally RSJM, if you’re being passed over by girls who are falling for older bucks, then the good news is that you’ll age into view for the girls you’re most attracted to.

By the way RSJM, the BSG warns you to be careful. The Universe listens to folks trying to avoid old, fat, (or whatever) folks and if you’re not careful you’ll find yourself falling hard for a portly 50 year-old. If that happens well then Mazal Tov. ~BSG~

Related Articles:

Time to Pull The Plug?

When Blogging Backfires

Always the Friend, Never the Good Stuff

Letting Him Down Easily

Guide to Online Personals

Backed Into A Corner

Seeking Perfection

Webtalk Loveawake

Cross-Atlantic Marriage

When Prison Romance Goes Bad

Dating Advice to the Advice Guy

Dumped by Spineless Boy

Searching For a Soul-Mate

When Humor Hurts

What Being Dumped Looks Like

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1616690460) } [10]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-3233653325559972252" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Wed, 17 Mar 2021 16:03:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-03-17T09:03:38.271-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(42) "An MFM’er Tells All About Her Journey…" ["description"]=> string(13918) "



Wednesdays are going to take on a new voice for a while. Cortney, one of my First 15 and an MFM’er to the core (Mom Fitness Makeover’er) is going to tell all about her journey to optimal health and fitness.

I talk endlessly about the Mom Fitness Makeover being more than just a fitness and nutrition plan…it is a life changing program. Cortney is one of the many who have experienced just that.

She will share stories about her complete transformation. Falling off the waggon and getting back on. The journey that has taken her from the woman she was to the woman she is…living her dreams and pushing on the ocean.

She will highlight what I have been saying to you for months now…It is not about the destination but the journey along the way, for the journey is what makes the destination last forever….

**********************************************************************

You see, two days before my store opens I will be having surgery on the toe that broke 6 months ago. Since then, my physical activity has been close to nil. I’ve spent the last 6 of 7 weeks wearing a boot up to my knee to stabilize my foot. Not only has that boot been terribly uncomfortable,it’s actually thrown the rest of my body out of whack trying to compensate.

I turned to food. Cakes, frosting, cookies… you name it. I usually know better than to have my standard sad-face foods in the house. All it takes is one weak moment in the grocery store and *poof* there I sit with an empty box of oatmeal pies, a sick tummy and a pile of regret.

I caught myself looking in the mirror and seeing wrinkles on my face. My face is missing that “glow” (and, NO, I’m not looking for that glow…). I realized what it was. I wasn’t smiling.

I don’t smile at myself anymore. When I started the MFM, I started to smile at myself. Sure, my body started to look better over time, butit wasn’t that. I was doing something RIGHT. I was proud of that. Yes, I’m about to live a dream in mere days…and I’m more excited about that than I can express!! I can talk your ear off about fabric and sewing and designs!! I’ll smile from ear to ear!!

But when it’s just me and a mirror…I see what I’ve given up. I see that I’ve been hobbled by injury, and made excuses to not work around it. Sure, I can’t run on a treadmill right now, but many of my favorite MFM exercises can be modified to not even use my foot. Also, there is no reason but childish “I don’t wanna” that’s keeping me from eating better. I’m burning MUCH fewer calories than I was when I was working out All. The. Time.

Why am I eating large piles of empty calories?

Right now, I don’t care so much about the shape of my body, 6-pack abs would be super, but it’s more a matter of how I feel. I no longer want to feel “OK” or even “good.” Back in the recesses of my mind, I remember that I felt “great,” nay “GREAT!!!” when I was doing my body right.

I may not be able to do all the exercises (or any at first), but I’m going to clean up my act.

So here I am…in front of you…in front of the world…in front of myself…in the mirror. Looking ahead…and smiling.

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" ["link"]=> string(85) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/03/an-mfmer-tells-all-about-her-journey.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(13918) "



Wednesdays are going to take on a new voice for a while. Cortney, one of my First 15 and an MFM’er to the core (Mom Fitness Makeover’er) is going to tell all about her journey to optimal health and fitness.

I talk endlessly about the Mom Fitness Makeover being more than just a fitness and nutrition plan…it is a life changing program. Cortney is one of the many who have experienced just that.

She will share stories about her complete transformation. Falling off the waggon and getting back on. The journey that has taken her from the woman she was to the woman she is…living her dreams and pushing on the ocean.

She will highlight what I have been saying to you for months now…It is not about the destination but the journey along the way, for the journey is what makes the destination last forever….

**********************************************************************

You see, two days before my store opens I will be having surgery on the toe that broke 6 months ago. Since then, my physical activity has been close to nil. I’ve spent the last 6 of 7 weeks wearing a boot up to my knee to stabilize my foot. Not only has that boot been terribly uncomfortable,it’s actually thrown the rest of my body out of whack trying to compensate.

I turned to food. Cakes, frosting, cookies… you name it. I usually know better than to have my standard sad-face foods in the house. All it takes is one weak moment in the grocery store and *poof* there I sit with an empty box of oatmeal pies, a sick tummy and a pile of regret.

I caught myself looking in the mirror and seeing wrinkles on my face. My face is missing that “glow” (and, NO, I’m not looking for that glow…). I realized what it was. I wasn’t smiling.

I don’t smile at myself anymore. When I started the MFM, I started to smile at myself. Sure, my body started to look better over time, butit wasn’t that. I was doing something RIGHT. I was proud of that. Yes, I’m about to live a dream in mere days…and I’m more excited about that than I can express!! I can talk your ear off about fabric and sewing and designs!! I’ll smile from ear to ear!!

But when it’s just me and a mirror…I see what I’ve given up. I see that I’ve been hobbled by injury, and made excuses to not work around it. Sure, I can’t run on a treadmill right now, but many of my favorite MFM exercises can be modified to not even use my foot. Also, there is no reason but childish “I don’t wanna” that’s keeping me from eating better. I’m burning MUCH fewer calories than I was when I was working out All. The. Time.

Why am I eating large piles of empty calories?

Right now, I don’t care so much about the shape of my body, 6-pack abs would be super, but it’s more a matter of how I feel. I no longer want to feel “OK” or even “good.” Back in the recesses of my mind, I remember that I felt “great,” nay “GREAT!!!” when I was doing my body right.

I may not be able to do all the exercises (or any at first), but I’m going to clean up my act.

So here I am…in front of you…in front of the world…in front of myself…in the mirror. Looking ahead…and smiling.

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Tell Your Story As You Want It to Be

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Black Women, Why Do You Have To Be So Mean?

I Don't Want My Husband Attending a Bachelor Party

I'm Torn Between Taking Care of My Aging Parents And My Family

My Husband Spends Too Much Time And Money on His Family

Online Dating: Dealing With Religious Differences

I am Horrified By My Wife's Sexual History

My Husband Blames Ne For His Anxiety


" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1615996980) } [11]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(69) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-327619913529612827" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 11 Mar 2021 15:24:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-03-11T07:25:02.118-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(26) "My husband won't get a job" ["description"]=> string(7194) "

Dear Dr. Ellen: I have been married for 13 years. For 10 of those years my husband worked at the same job with me. Three years ago he decided he was burnt out and quit his job. He has had many jobs since but none have been steady. For the past 6 months he has been out of work. I have been carrying the financial burden all on my own and I feel some resentment. He sits at home on the computer all day playing games and is not looking for work. Our family and friends put him down all the time because he's not providing for me properly. I feel so many things but the main thing is I am thinking about cutting him loose and making him stand on his own two feet. I love him and I hate to throw 13 years of marriage away, but I don't know what else to do. When I talk to him about looking for work, he gets angry and lashes out, saying I don't love him. Please help! - Veronica

Dear Veronica: A man's worth is not measured by having a job outside the home. If he does the cleaning, shopping for food and cooking while you work I'd say that you have a man who is contributing quite a bit. He may be doing a job search and using the computer to find work. If that is the case, your husband should be praised and encouraged especially if your family and friends are putting him down. The more he's criticized, the lower his self-esteem becomes and the harder it is to go out looking for work. You have to be the one person who believes in him even if the world doesn't. On the other hand, if he truly does nothing but play computer games, the house is a mess, the refrigerator is empty and the wash is piled high, you are living with an adult who is not pulling his fair share. If that is the case you have to let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and give him a time limit in which to find a job. If he shows no effort at all, then it's time for him to be on his own. I believe that you should give him a clear message in a loving way. Here's what I would say: "I love you with all my heart but cannot stay in a marriage that is not an equal partnership. I am giving you the next __ months to find a job.(That's a personal decision on your part.) If you are doing your best to try and find a position, I will stand by your side forever. If however, you do nothing and show no signs of progress then I choose to end this marriage." Then your job is to carry it through. It might just be the motivation he needs to become more self-sufficient. - Dr. Ellen

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My Husband Flirts With Oher Women

 

" ["link"]=> string(72) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/03/my-husband-wont-get-job.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(7194) "

Dear Dr. Ellen: I have been married for 13 years. For 10 of those years my husband worked at the same job with me. Three years ago he decided he was burnt out and quit his job. He has had many jobs since but none have been steady. For the past 6 months he has been out of work. I have been carrying the financial burden all on my own and I feel some resentment. He sits at home on the computer all day playing games and is not looking for work. Our family and friends put him down all the time because he's not providing for me properly. I feel so many things but the main thing is I am thinking about cutting him loose and making him stand on his own two feet. I love him and I hate to throw 13 years of marriage away, but I don't know what else to do. When I talk to him about looking for work, he gets angry and lashes out, saying I don't love him. Please help! - Veronica

Dear Veronica: A man's worth is not measured by having a job outside the home. If he does the cleaning, shopping for food and cooking while you work I'd say that you have a man who is contributing quite a bit. He may be doing a job search and using the computer to find work. If that is the case, your husband should be praised and encouraged especially if your family and friends are putting him down. The more he's criticized, the lower his self-esteem becomes and the harder it is to go out looking for work. You have to be the one person who believes in him even if the world doesn't. On the other hand, if he truly does nothing but play computer games, the house is a mess, the refrigerator is empty and the wash is piled high, you are living with an adult who is not pulling his fair share. If that is the case you have to let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and give him a time limit in which to find a job. If he shows no effort at all, then it's time for him to be on his own. I believe that you should give him a clear message in a loving way. Here's what I would say: "I love you with all my heart but cannot stay in a marriage that is not an equal partnership. I am giving you the next __ months to find a job.(That's a personal decision on your part.) If you are doing your best to try and find a position, I will stand by your side forever. If however, you do nothing and show no signs of progress then I choose to end this marriage." Then your job is to carry it through. It might just be the motivation he needs to become more self-sufficient. - Dr. Ellen

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My husband always gets his own way

What it takes to be a good lover

I have taken my wife for granted

I'm a very critical person

Moving to another country was a mistake

Physical therapist gets too close

My boyfriend is too close to a female friend

My Husband Flirts With Oher Women

 

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1615476240) } [12]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-7602879837921724841" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 11 Mar 2021 15:10:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-03-11T07:10:28.606-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(43) "Could You Forgive Your Spouse for Cheating?" ["description"]=> string(17854) "

 


Could you forgive your spouse for cheating on you?  Many people would say no way, it’s not worth it, there’s too much pain and too much trust lost.

Monday’s post about the signs of a cheating husband stirred up quite a bit of controversy - but not in the comments section.  I received a flood of emails from women who had experienced cheating husbands…and who had cheated themselves.  It was a stark reminder that men are not solely at fault for ruining relationships.

Some of you didn’t like that I suggested snooping in your husband’s personal affairs.  You thought that it was an invasion of privacy and a sign of mistrust.

“I completely disagree with you that wives should snoop on their husband’s computer and cell phone usage if they’re suspicious.  I find such behavior absolutely despicable, a major invasion of privacy.  I think any snooping automatically negates any supposed “misdeeds”  FYI, I’m a married woman (have been for a little over 12 years), and I would never, ever do this to my husband, no matter how suspicious or apprehensive I was.” - Sarah

Personally, I think that a good husband shouldn’t have anything to hide from his wife.  My wife knows the passwords to my computer and email accounts, and she knows how to check my call history, but I understand the sentiment.

I asked one reader to share her story about the affair that severely damaged their marriage.  Her husband cheated on her but she forgave him - or, is at least working on forgiving him.  Here are her responses:

1) How did it come out?

“My husband confessed his affair on his own. He had an affair with an old girlfriend who lives out of state. It had been through phone calls and texting and emails. Then he flew out for a visit (on business) and spent the last night of his trip with her. He came home, and told me the next day. Based on what he said to me, the way he described his feelings (and lack there of), I knew there was a bigger problem. I told him to look up signs and symptoms of depression and Bipolar disorder and consider calling a doctor.”

2) How & why did you decide to stay?

“He called a doctor the next morning, had an appt at 3, and was put in outpatient therapy for the rest of the week. He was urged by his doctors to ‘not make any major decisions’ until after being on medication a while and having some therapy. During that time, I did my best to stay calm and unintrusive.. all while completely falling apart inside and out. He ‘wanted space’, so I gave it to him. After some time on meds, and finding out he is Bipolar, things started to improve for him. He stopped talking to the other woman about 5 weeks after his visit and decided to work on repairing our marriage. I waited patiently for his decision, for more information, for answers.. I knew that if he did not do it on his own terms, I could not trust that it was authentic.”

3) How did you get past it & what is your relationship like now?

“Infidelity literally kills a marriage. In order for a couple to stay married and recover from it, both partners have to recognize that everything they had before is gone and dead. They have to start over and rebuild from the ground up rather than trying to ‘get things back to how they used to be’. It has been less than a year since my husband’s affair, and I’m still a complete mess (but I do have other issues too that contribute to that). Getting past an affair takes hard work and dedication - it sounds rather trite and cliche, but it is the truth. If either spouse is not 100% commited and ‘in it’ then they will soon give up in frustration. I still have days where I want to just get up and walk out, but I know that that is not what God wants for me and my family. So, when things get hard, I lean on Him.

A lot about our relationship is still the same.. but a lot is different. He is now more open with me, I’m more reserved with him. He is more trusting and expressive, I’m more closed and hesitant. Hopefully, someday, we will both be more open and trusting with each other.. but I know it will take time.”

So I ask you, reader.  Could you forgive your spouse for cheating on you?  What if, unlike the above example, your husband cheated without the influence of mental illness?  What if he simply messed up?  Would you be able to forgive him then?

 Related Resources:

A Good Husband’s Habits

Can parents be lovers too when teenagers are in the house?

Grandmother wants to spend time alone with her grandson who is now part of a new blended family

Son is Not Welcomed in New Husband's Family

Custody of a Troubled Teenager

My Husband Doesn't Trust Me

My Wife Has a Problem With Intimacy

Ex-wife and ex-husband do not agree on daughter's boyfriend

Kids of Interracial and Gay Marriages

It’s A Great Time To Be Single

How to Attract Better Men on Criglist

10 Pieces of Marriage Advice from Don Draper

 

" ["link"]=> string(82) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/03/could-you-forgive-your-spouse-for.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(17854) "

 


Could you forgive your spouse for cheating on you?  Many people would say no way, it’s not worth it, there’s too much pain and too much trust lost.

Monday’s post about the signs of a cheating husband stirred up quite a bit of controversy - but not in the comments section.  I received a flood of emails from women who had experienced cheating husbands…and who had cheated themselves.  It was a stark reminder that men are not solely at fault for ruining relationships.

Some of you didn’t like that I suggested snooping in your husband’s personal affairs.  You thought that it was an invasion of privacy and a sign of mistrust.

“I completely disagree with you that wives should snoop on their husband’s computer and cell phone usage if they’re suspicious.  I find such behavior absolutely despicable, a major invasion of privacy.  I think any snooping automatically negates any supposed “misdeeds”  FYI, I’m a married woman (have been for a little over 12 years), and I would never, ever do this to my husband, no matter how suspicious or apprehensive I was.” - Sarah

Personally, I think that a good husband shouldn’t have anything to hide from his wife.  My wife knows the passwords to my computer and email accounts, and she knows how to check my call history, but I understand the sentiment.

I asked one reader to share her story about the affair that severely damaged their marriage.  Her husband cheated on her but she forgave him - or, is at least working on forgiving him.  Here are her responses:

1) How did it come out?

“My husband confessed his affair on his own. He had an affair with an old girlfriend who lives out of state. It had been through phone calls and texting and emails. Then he flew out for a visit (on business) and spent the last night of his trip with her. He came home, and told me the next day. Based on what he said to me, the way he described his feelings (and lack there of), I knew there was a bigger problem. I told him to look up signs and symptoms of depression and Bipolar disorder and consider calling a doctor.”

2) How & why did you decide to stay?

“He called a doctor the next morning, had an appt at 3, and was put in outpatient therapy for the rest of the week. He was urged by his doctors to ‘not make any major decisions’ until after being on medication a while and having some therapy. During that time, I did my best to stay calm and unintrusive.. all while completely falling apart inside and out. He ‘wanted space’, so I gave it to him. After some time on meds, and finding out he is Bipolar, things started to improve for him. He stopped talking to the other woman about 5 weeks after his visit and decided to work on repairing our marriage. I waited patiently for his decision, for more information, for answers.. I knew that if he did not do it on his own terms, I could not trust that it was authentic.”

3) How did you get past it & what is your relationship like now?

“Infidelity literally kills a marriage. In order for a couple to stay married and recover from it, both partners have to recognize that everything they had before is gone and dead. They have to start over and rebuild from the ground up rather than trying to ‘get things back to how they used to be’. It has been less than a year since my husband’s affair, and I’m still a complete mess (but I do have other issues too that contribute to that). Getting past an affair takes hard work and dedication - it sounds rather trite and cliche, but it is the truth. If either spouse is not 100% commited and ‘in it’ then they will soon give up in frustration. I still have days where I want to just get up and walk out, but I know that that is not what God wants for me and my family. So, when things get hard, I lean on Him.

A lot about our relationship is still the same.. but a lot is different. He is now more open with me, I’m more reserved with him. He is more trusting and expressive, I’m more closed and hesitant. Hopefully, someday, we will both be more open and trusting with each other.. but I know it will take time.”

So I ask you, reader.  Could you forgive your spouse for cheating on you?  What if, unlike the above example, your husband cheated without the influence of mental illness?  What if he simply messed up?  Would you be able to forgive him then?

 Related Resources:

A Good Husband’s Habits

Can parents be lovers too when teenagers are in the house?

Grandmother wants to spend time alone with her grandson who is now part of a new blended family

Son is Not Welcomed in New Husband's Family

Custody of a Troubled Teenager

My Husband Doesn't Trust Me

My Wife Has a Problem With Intimacy

Ex-wife and ex-husband do not agree on daughter's boyfriend

Kids of Interracial and Gay Marriages

It’s A Great Time To Be Single

How to Attract Better Men on Criglist

10 Pieces of Marriage Advice from Don Draper

 

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1615475400) } [13]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-3174120130908703812" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 04 Feb 2021 07:42:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-02-03T23:42:30.971-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(25) "Rahm Emanuel. Super Stud." ["description"]=> string(6613) "

Rahm Emanuel leaving the White House to run for mayor of Chicago would be like Clooney leaving Hollywood to do community theater in Kentucky.  Such an act falls under the category of “Things that Should Never Happen in America.”

I haven’t been a huge follower of Rahm’s career and I realize he’s been far from perfect in his role as Obama’s chief of staff.  But I’m not talking politics here.  What I regret is the loss of such major studliness on the nation’s cultural landscape.

First off, Rahm ain’t hard on the ol’ peepers with his healthy tan, full head of salt-n-pepper hair and bad boy missing middle finger.  In DC, a town filled with gangly, pig-nosed, shellac-haired politicians, the Rahminator is positively smokin’.

But Rahm’s looks aren’t the only thing making him such a hottie.  Here’s a guy who has the grace to be invited to join the Joffrey Ballet in his youth, and the cojones to send a rotten fish to some chump who did ‘im wrong while working for Clinton.  He unapologetically called progressives who disagreed with Obama’s health care bill “retarded” and after the 2006 midterm elections danced on a table shouting that the Republicans “can go fuck themselves.”

My God, how I heart Rahm Emanuel, the temperamental, knuckle-cracking hothead who shouts at yuppie passersby to get out of his way during Sunday bike rides.  The curse word spewing barracuda who makes everyone quake in his boots, including former British PM Tony Blair whom Rahmbo once told, “don’t fuck this up,” before a press conference.

And why do I love such a meanie?  Because I’m tired of nice guys.  Neutralized, overly diplomatic, edgeless bores who roam through our workplaces, neighborhoods and bars, trying their damndest not to appear politically incorrect or too aggressively masculine.  I do appreciate their courtesy.  But man, does it make life unsexy.

Rahm flips the bird to manners and decorum.  And darn it, I like a man who sticks up for what he believes in and wants, who has no qualms about letting people know when he’s pissed off or bored, who’s brash in conversation and creative in settling scores (a dead fish?  Classic.)

Certainly, the Democrats need someone who’s unafraid to open a can of whoopass every once in a while, especially as the Republicans are kicking rear and taking names.  And who would you rather date?  The guy who says, “I found Eat Pray Love to be a heartwarming depiction of the romantic challenges that visit modern life,” or the hunk who says, “fuck Julia Roberts.”

I like Chicago and the people I’ve met who live there, so I hope they get to have Rahm as their leader.  If they do, I’ll live vicariously through them, imagining being in the room when my little Rahmen Noodle calls his opponents douche bags and hangs up on political contributors who don’t give him the money he thinks he deserves.

Actually, if I was in the room, I’d probably just giggle awkwardly.  But on the inside, I’d be thinking, “hubba hubba.”

References:

Love vs. Fear

When he says he doesn't know what he wants

An Orgasm a Day

Never Let Him See You Sweat

Как Вести Переписку на Сайте Знакомств

It’s Never too Late to Date with Dignity

Don’t Move in with That Man!

My Delaware Dating List

The Five Love Languages

How to Get Your Ex Back

10 Questions to Never Ask a Man

5 Signs You are Unhappy

Signs Your Guy is Gay

Why You’re Still Single

" ["link"]=> string(72) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/02/rahm-emanuel-super-stud.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(6613) "

Rahm Emanuel leaving the White House to run for mayor of Chicago would be like Clooney leaving Hollywood to do community theater in Kentucky.  Such an act falls under the category of “Things that Should Never Happen in America.”

I haven’t been a huge follower of Rahm’s career and I realize he’s been far from perfect in his role as Obama’s chief of staff.  But I’m not talking politics here.  What I regret is the loss of such major studliness on the nation’s cultural landscape.

First off, Rahm ain’t hard on the ol’ peepers with his healthy tan, full head of salt-n-pepper hair and bad boy missing middle finger.  In DC, a town filled with gangly, pig-nosed, shellac-haired politicians, the Rahminator is positively smokin’.

But Rahm’s looks aren’t the only thing making him such a hottie.  Here’s a guy who has the grace to be invited to join the Joffrey Ballet in his youth, and the cojones to send a rotten fish to some chump who did ‘im wrong while working for Clinton.  He unapologetically called progressives who disagreed with Obama’s health care bill “retarded” and after the 2006 midterm elections danced on a table shouting that the Republicans “can go fuck themselves.”

My God, how I heart Rahm Emanuel, the temperamental, knuckle-cracking hothead who shouts at yuppie passersby to get out of his way during Sunday bike rides.  The curse word spewing barracuda who makes everyone quake in his boots, including former British PM Tony Blair whom Rahmbo once told, “don’t fuck this up,” before a press conference.

And why do I love such a meanie?  Because I’m tired of nice guys.  Neutralized, overly diplomatic, edgeless bores who roam through our workplaces, neighborhoods and bars, trying their damndest not to appear politically incorrect or too aggressively masculine.  I do appreciate their courtesy.  But man, does it make life unsexy.

Rahm flips the bird to manners and decorum.  And darn it, I like a man who sticks up for what he believes in and wants, who has no qualms about letting people know when he’s pissed off or bored, who’s brash in conversation and creative in settling scores (a dead fish?  Classic.)

Certainly, the Democrats need someone who’s unafraid to open a can of whoopass every once in a while, especially as the Republicans are kicking rear and taking names.  And who would you rather date?  The guy who says, “I found Eat Pray Love to be a heartwarming depiction of the romantic challenges that visit modern life,” or the hunk who says, “fuck Julia Roberts.”

I like Chicago and the people I’ve met who live there, so I hope they get to have Rahm as their leader.  If they do, I’ll live vicariously through them, imagining being in the room when my little Rahmen Noodle calls his opponents douche bags and hangs up on political contributors who don’t give him the money he thinks he deserves.

Actually, if I was in the room, I’d probably just giggle awkwardly.  But on the inside, I’d be thinking, “hubba hubba.”

References:

Love vs. Fear

When he says he doesn't know what he wants

An Orgasm a Day

Never Let Him See You Sweat

Как Вести Переписку на Сайте Знакомств

It’s Never too Late to Date with Dignity

Don’t Move in with That Man!

My Delaware Dating List

The Five Love Languages

How to Get Your Ex Back

10 Questions to Never Ask a Man

5 Signs You are Unhappy

Signs Your Guy is Gay

Why You’re Still Single

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1612424520) } [14]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-2695964489036132255" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 29 Jan 2021 16:02:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-01-29T08:02:52.767-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(64) "Just Call Me Daddy/When Mothers Turn Baby Showers into Hot Dates" ["description"]=> string(19976) "


Yesterday I had a baby shower thrown for me and of course no occasion could be complete without a bit of mama antics. Am I the only person to ever have a baby shower where her mother decided to combine it with having a hot first date?!

I found out about my ma's date G, when she called me up yesterday morning to ask if it was OK (to be fair she'd already invited him) and explained that he was a builder that she'd met through her work. Of course I wasn't going to object but she did mention that the bro was livid with her. I was already distracted so I didn't ask any questions and quickly got off the phone.

The next time I thought of G was when my ma brought him outside to introduce us and I happened to be standing with several friends and the bro.

"This is my daughter, and NML, this is G, friend and builder" she said gaily and I shook his hand and tried not to meet the eyes of my friends for fear of giggling.
"And THIS is my son, the one that said 'Mum, what are you bringing that builder to the party for?'"
The bro froze and his face became blank as he pretended that the two of them didn't exist but it was too late because we were all falling around laughing. I looked at my ma and G and she was grinning like a cheshire cat and he seemed to be loving all of the attention. They were barely out of earshot when the bro hissed at us "Can you believe that they f*cking met when he came to do a building quote yesterday?!" and this time he was laughing too as everybody tried to laugh their way out of shock.

I went into the house a little while later and found my ma chatting very cosily with G. There was a lot of giggling and flirting and I just felt thankful that we were all outside enjoying the BBQ and the sunshine. I raised my eyebrows at the two of them and gave my ma that look that said "Behave yourself" and being the pisstaker that she is, she saw the opportunity to wind me up.

"Say hi to your new daddy!" she said with a giggle.
I looked around me and said "Who?"
"G - How would you feel about him being your new daddy?" she wisecracked, just as the bro walked in and glared at the two of them. "Now!" she said looking at the bro. "Show some respect to your new daddy!" she quipped and B and I started snickering at the showdown that we sensed.
"Only if he lasts a week...." the bro replied drily. B and I were nearly in hysterics laughing when we saw their faces.
"THE BRO! I'M WARNING YOU!" my mum said, now starting to sound slightly nervous.
"What? It's true. Don't worry G, you have a seven day cooling off period!" he quipped and now we were all laughing.

We finally left them and went back to stuffing our faces outside. I relayed the story to the boyf who was clutching himself laughing and of course my ma was now providing the entertainment... The bro left about an hour later without too much drama but admittedly quite a few barbed comments were directed at my ma. After he left, I figured it would all be calm without any more drama....till I went into the house and discovered that there was no sign of them.

I demanded to know her whereabouts and was told that she had gone out the front. I walked out of the house and turned to go out to the street and froze when I saw my ma and G giggling, looking very cosy with their arms around each other. I didn't even think before I spoke. "MA! What the HELL do you think you're doing?!" I exclaimed and we all stood there staring at each other.
"NML!" my ma said and she looked nervous yet mischevious as she started to extricate herself out of his embrace.
"GET.IN.SIDE." I said icily.
"NML!" she said laughing. "It's OK, we're just talking."
"I don't frigging care. And G, would you mind taking your hands off my MOTHER!?!" and stalked back into the house.

After that my ma knew she was on thin ice with me. It wasn't that I wanted to piss on her parade, but having a first date at my baby shower and acting like randy teenagers was NOT what I had in mind. I thought this was when she would have been in the proud grandmother role!

She left an hour or so later with G escorting her. I was polite to him but kept my distance as I felt that he was enjoying the discomfort which isn't exactly a sign of him sticking around and ingratiating himself with her family... "Make sure my ma gets home safely because if she doesn't, I WILL be calling the PO-lice!" I said half jokingly. The boyf said goodbye to him and wisecracked "So should I start calling you Uncle G after today?" and G replied with a big dirty smirk "No....just call me Daddy G!"

In other non randy teenager related activity, the boyf's mum had her friend bless the food before we all started. I was expecting a quick grace but I hadn't realised that she was a reverand and she proceeded to sing and then break into lengthy prayer. Two or three minutes later, I started to break out in a hot flush and clutched at the boyf's hand. Once it was over, everyone dived on the food and Vulture boy said to me "Jeez, I thought she was going to start praying for the #2 bus any minute!" Hilarious!

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" ["link"]=> string(84) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/01/just-call-me-daddywhen-mothers-turn.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(19976) "


Yesterday I had a baby shower thrown for me and of course no occasion could be complete without a bit of mama antics. Am I the only person to ever have a baby shower where her mother decided to combine it with having a hot first date?!

I found out about my ma's date G, when she called me up yesterday morning to ask if it was OK (to be fair she'd already invited him) and explained that he was a builder that she'd met through her work. Of course I wasn't going to object but she did mention that the bro was livid with her. I was already distracted so I didn't ask any questions and quickly got off the phone.

The next time I thought of G was when my ma brought him outside to introduce us and I happened to be standing with several friends and the bro.

"This is my daughter, and NML, this is G, friend and builder" she said gaily and I shook his hand and tried not to meet the eyes of my friends for fear of giggling.
"And THIS is my son, the one that said 'Mum, what are you bringing that builder to the party for?'"
The bro froze and his face became blank as he pretended that the two of them didn't exist but it was too late because we were all falling around laughing. I looked at my ma and G and she was grinning like a cheshire cat and he seemed to be loving all of the attention. They were barely out of earshot when the bro hissed at us "Can you believe that they f*cking met when he came to do a building quote yesterday?!" and this time he was laughing too as everybody tried to laugh their way out of shock.

I went into the house a little while later and found my ma chatting very cosily with G. There was a lot of giggling and flirting and I just felt thankful that we were all outside enjoying the BBQ and the sunshine. I raised my eyebrows at the two of them and gave my ma that look that said "Behave yourself" and being the pisstaker that she is, she saw the opportunity to wind me up.

"Say hi to your new daddy!" she said with a giggle.
I looked around me and said "Who?"
"G - How would you feel about him being your new daddy?" she wisecracked, just as the bro walked in and glared at the two of them. "Now!" she said looking at the bro. "Show some respect to your new daddy!" she quipped and B and I started snickering at the showdown that we sensed.
"Only if he lasts a week...." the bro replied drily. B and I were nearly in hysterics laughing when we saw their faces.
"THE BRO! I'M WARNING YOU!" my mum said, now starting to sound slightly nervous.
"What? It's true. Don't worry G, you have a seven day cooling off period!" he quipped and now we were all laughing.

We finally left them and went back to stuffing our faces outside. I relayed the story to the boyf who was clutching himself laughing and of course my ma was now providing the entertainment... The bro left about an hour later without too much drama but admittedly quite a few barbed comments were directed at my ma. After he left, I figured it would all be calm without any more drama....till I went into the house and discovered that there was no sign of them.

I demanded to know her whereabouts and was told that she had gone out the front. I walked out of the house and turned to go out to the street and froze when I saw my ma and G giggling, looking very cosy with their arms around each other. I didn't even think before I spoke. "MA! What the HELL do you think you're doing?!" I exclaimed and we all stood there staring at each other.
"NML!" my ma said and she looked nervous yet mischevious as she started to extricate herself out of his embrace.
"GET.IN.SIDE." I said icily.
"NML!" she said laughing. "It's OK, we're just talking."
"I don't frigging care. And G, would you mind taking your hands off my MOTHER!?!" and stalked back into the house.

After that my ma knew she was on thin ice with me. It wasn't that I wanted to piss on her parade, but having a first date at my baby shower and acting like randy teenagers was NOT what I had in mind. I thought this was when she would have been in the proud grandmother role!

She left an hour or so later with G escorting her. I was polite to him but kept my distance as I felt that he was enjoying the discomfort which isn't exactly a sign of him sticking around and ingratiating himself with her family... "Make sure my ma gets home safely because if she doesn't, I WILL be calling the PO-lice!" I said half jokingly. The boyf said goodbye to him and wisecracked "So should I start calling you Uncle G after today?" and G replied with a big dirty smirk "No....just call me Daddy G!"

In other non randy teenager related activity, the boyf's mum had her friend bless the food before we all started. I was expecting a quick grace but I hadn't realised that she was a reverand and she proceeded to sing and then break into lengthy prayer. Two or three minutes later, I started to break out in a hot flush and clutched at the boyf's hand. Once it was over, everyone dived on the food and Vulture boy said to me "Jeez, I thought she was going to start praying for the #2 bus any minute!" Hilarious!

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" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1611936120) } [15]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-2216650166630131617" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 22 Jan 2021 15:45:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-01-22T07:45:00.598-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(30) "Breaking out of being a Hermit" ["description"]=> string(7898) "

It is Saturday night, and I am blogging in the lobby of a hotel instead of hanging out in New York City with people my age. I have chosen my computer over people several times in the last few months, and from the stream of Facebook updates I see on my page at 11 pm on a Saturday, lots of my friends are at home right now as well. When does liking to be at home alone turn from rest and relaxation to hermit status?

You are a hermit if…

  1. You want to go out butyou get anxious at the thought of getting dressed up and having to hang out with people you do or don’t know.
  2. You are not doing something you truly enjoywhile staying home. You’re piddling around on the internet, watching television half-interestedly, or having a monotonous conversation on the phone with a fellow hermit.
  3. You hope that someone will call youwith something to do, but you refuse to call someone up proactively and make plans.

I am a self-proclaimed hermit in recovery. Despite my loudness and big personality, I am quite a homebody. I love to order take-out, pop some popcorn, and watch movies in bed (preferably with a handsome man). I love to wander aimlessly on the internet and read random articles. However, there has to be a limit to my hermitage.

Being a hermit is no good, because:

  1. You can lose perspective.Spending time alone is an important part of being comfortable with yourself, but if you spend it ruminating over things that aren’t going well in your life, you can start giving more importance to the negative things going on in your life than they deserve.
  2. You lose touch with your friends. A huge part of friendship is actually spending time together, seeing one another be vulnerable, and helping one another through difficult times. If you are feeling sad or lonely, reach out to a friend and say so. Everyone gets lonely, and you shouldn’t compound the situation by isolating yourself. Your friends love you and they want to be there for you! Let them. By reaching out to your friends, you’ll help build up your relationshipsand solve the loneliness problem.
  3. It perpetuates the situation.The less you go out and the more you stay in, the less accustomed you get to investing time and energy into finding things you like to do and making it a point to do them. Staying in becomes a habit and the dissatisfaction you used to feel settles into an accepted state of monotony. You deserve to live a life full of laughter, excitement, and dreams fulfilled. Go out and make some memories.

Breaking out of the hermit life is not easy, but it can be done with practice.

Tips for breaking out of the hermit cave and joining the world:

  1. Venture out for mundane tasks.If you usually work from home or a stuffy office, take your laptop and set up shop at a nearby Panera bread. The simple act of being around people can often lift your spirits and make you feel like a part of the human race. The next time you go out to eat, proudly eat by yourself in the restaurant instead of taking it to go. I often find that I do not feel lonely or like a creepy loser when I eat by myself at a restaurant. I feel sophisticated and confident. Try it.
  2. Plan ahead.Don’t wait until Friday after work to think about what you’re going to do Friday night. Often people will already have made their plans (that apparently you aren’t included in) or will settle into their own hermit status by the time Friday evening rolls around. Reach out to friends to make plans a few days in advance.
  3. Be flexible.Hermits often perpetuate their loneliness by insisting on going somewhere close by, on not going to certain venues, or on not spending over a certain amount. It’s completely fine to have limits, but these can be internal rules you set for yourself without discussing them during the social planning process. Co-create the evening plans with your friends and try to compromise so that you all end up going out and having a great night.
  4. Be honest with yourself about what you like.If you are not a club person, don’t scare yourself out of going out by thinking that the only thing to do is to get sweaty on the dance floor. If you’re a fan of theater, invite a friend to a play with dessert afterwards. If you are a video gamer, organize a video game tournament at your place complete with pizza and drinks for a few of your friends. Create your own version of what a great night is—but include other people in those plans.

The next time you wonder if you should pick up the phone to make plans, go ahead and take the step. Your spirits will thank you.

Related Articles:

How to Keep Him Calling Back

6 Great Things About Spring And Dating

Seduction is Manipulation

Crafting a Nickname that will Help in the Dating Game

Texting Rules in Online and Offline Dating

Who Pays For The Date?

Heat Up His Desire Inflict Pain

Try Speed Dating!

The Proper Place for Drama

Get One Thing Done

How Important Is Chemistry?

How to Make Your Boyfriend Miss You 

" ["link"]=> string(77) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/01/breaking-out-of-being-hermit.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(7898) "

It is Saturday night, and I am blogging in the lobby of a hotel instead of hanging out in New York City with people my age. I have chosen my computer over people several times in the last few months, and from the stream of Facebook updates I see on my page at 11 pm on a Saturday, lots of my friends are at home right now as well. When does liking to be at home alone turn from rest and relaxation to hermit status?

You are a hermit if…

  1. You want to go out butyou get anxious at the thought of getting dressed up and having to hang out with people you do or don’t know.
  2. You are not doing something you truly enjoywhile staying home. You’re piddling around on the internet, watching television half-interestedly, or having a monotonous conversation on the phone with a fellow hermit.
  3. You hope that someone will call youwith something to do, but you refuse to call someone up proactively and make plans.

I am a self-proclaimed hermit in recovery. Despite my loudness and big personality, I am quite a homebody. I love to order take-out, pop some popcorn, and watch movies in bed (preferably with a handsome man). I love to wander aimlessly on the internet and read random articles. However, there has to be a limit to my hermitage.

Being a hermit is no good, because:

  1. You can lose perspective.Spending time alone is an important part of being comfortable with yourself, but if you spend it ruminating over things that aren’t going well in your life, you can start giving more importance to the negative things going on in your life than they deserve.
  2. You lose touch with your friends. A huge part of friendship is actually spending time together, seeing one another be vulnerable, and helping one another through difficult times. If you are feeling sad or lonely, reach out to a friend and say so. Everyone gets lonely, and you shouldn’t compound the situation by isolating yourself. Your friends love you and they want to be there for you! Let them. By reaching out to your friends, you’ll help build up your relationshipsand solve the loneliness problem.
  3. It perpetuates the situation.The less you go out and the more you stay in, the less accustomed you get to investing time and energy into finding things you like to do and making it a point to do them. Staying in becomes a habit and the dissatisfaction you used to feel settles into an accepted state of monotony. You deserve to live a life full of laughter, excitement, and dreams fulfilled. Go out and make some memories.

Breaking out of the hermit life is not easy, but it can be done with practice.

Tips for breaking out of the hermit cave and joining the world:

  1. Venture out for mundane tasks.If you usually work from home or a stuffy office, take your laptop and set up shop at a nearby Panera bread. The simple act of being around people can often lift your spirits and make you feel like a part of the human race. The next time you go out to eat, proudly eat by yourself in the restaurant instead of taking it to go. I often find that I do not feel lonely or like a creepy loser when I eat by myself at a restaurant. I feel sophisticated and confident. Try it.
  2. Plan ahead.Don’t wait until Friday after work to think about what you’re going to do Friday night. Often people will already have made their plans (that apparently you aren’t included in) or will settle into their own hermit status by the time Friday evening rolls around. Reach out to friends to make plans a few days in advance.
  3. Be flexible.Hermits often perpetuate their loneliness by insisting on going somewhere close by, on not going to certain venues, or on not spending over a certain amount. It’s completely fine to have limits, but these can be internal rules you set for yourself without discussing them during the social planning process. Co-create the evening plans with your friends and try to compromise so that you all end up going out and having a great night.
  4. Be honest with yourself about what you like.If you are not a club person, don’t scare yourself out of going out by thinking that the only thing to do is to get sweaty on the dance floor. If you’re a fan of theater, invite a friend to a play with dessert afterwards. If you are a video gamer, organize a video game tournament at your place complete with pizza and drinks for a few of your friends. Create your own version of what a great night is—but include other people in those plans.

The next time you wonder if you should pick up the phone to make plans, go ahead and take the step. Your spirits will thank you.

Related Articles:

How to Keep Him Calling Back

6 Great Things About Spring And Dating

Seduction is Manipulation

Crafting a Nickname that will Help in the Dating Game

Texting Rules in Online and Offline Dating

Who Pays For The Date?

Heat Up His Desire Inflict Pain

Try Speed Dating!

The Proper Place for Drama

Get One Thing Done

How Important Is Chemistry?

How to Make Your Boyfriend Miss You 

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1611330300) } [16]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-7892895875486573835" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 21 Jan 2021 16:27:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-01-21T08:27:23.434-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(77) "Love thy neighbour. Wouldn't it be better if I just gave them a cup of sugar?" ["description"]=> string(9523) "

I haven't been on friendly terms with my neighbours since I moved away from Dublin about seven years ago. In Dublin, people know if you fart in a different way to the way you did the day before and everyone feels like they know everyone. The whole neighbourly thing is just not the done thing in London where it's a cardinal sin to ask a stranger for directions nevermind acknowledge that there are people living next door to you. It is OK to fart like a trooper without saying pardon on public transport though but that's a whole other story...

Since we've been doing country living on the edge of London though, it's starting to feel like I know half the town. I can rarely leave the house without bumping into someone I know and it's kind of fun. People wave to you when you walk by the shops and they know me quite well in Waitrose because I can't stop going in the place...OK that and the fact that I threw up all over their store, keeled over, and writhed in agony in their first aid room.

Anyway...a few weeks ago I had to go and see my new neighbour because I was p*ssed of about them piling up lots of bins outside the side of our house. We ended up chatting and I forgot about it till yesterday when I opened the front door and he said "Do you remember that time when you said if there was anything we needed, I should just call over?"

I stared at him blankly and a thought popped into my head. "I was kinda thinking cup of sugar territory..."

"Er yes..."I said warily.

"Well we need you!" and he launched into a rather long story about how his girlfriend had hurt her neck, he'd called an ambulance, now they were back home but she couldn't do very much.

"Basically, can you go over there in about half an hour and put the kids to bed?" They're one and two and a half.

It took a few moments for the request to connect with my brain and I could feel myself blinking furiously and my face flushing. He stared at me with an imploring look.

"I..er...yes...OK" I said in false bravado.

I admit...there was a moment when I wondered if it was all a ploy and I was going to be sold into slavery. I phoned the boyf up and explained what had happened and suggested my theory. I was greeted with silence. "OK, OK...maybe not slavery but they better not be any of those freaky deaky country people that get you to put your keys in the bowl and get swinging...." More silence and then him making me promise I'd call as soon as I got home. Ah, maybe he was worried!

Half an hour later, the bambino was hovering by his kids bedroom door as the one year old shrieked the place down like there was some heap of murderation going down. Wrestling with me as I tried to carry her to the bedroom, I actually didn't know whether to laugh or throw myself on the floor. The bambino, normally one to be walking along by guiding herself around the furniture or emptying out the drawers, eyed me suspiciously.

As I finally managed to get the one year old into not one, but two sleepsuits (I had no idea some people dress their babies like this!), the bambino went into meltdown mode and started slapping my leg as if to say "Get your frickin hands off that baby!"

I was glad I was able to help out but my God it was stressful and awkward! The kids had no idea who the hell I was? The two and a half year old would start shrieking when I so much as even attempted to walk towards her cot! I was mor-ti-fied!

When I got home, I packed the bambino off to bed and had a glass of wine to mellow myself. How do I get myself in these situations?

On another note, an email from HMV has just notified me that my Wii Fitness will be arriving within 5 days! Yay!

On a totally different note, my ma ended the Cold War and came to visit last Thursday. The joys of having a baby mean that mamas with grudges have to let go of them if they want to see their grandchild! She keeps saying "It's ages since you've been around to visit" Er, yeah I know! You were frickin blanking me for nearly five weeks hence the lack of visits! Mothers!

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What Do You Do If… Your Dream Man Becomes Your Nightmare!

Holiday Romance?

What Do You Do If… He Invites You To Vegas?

What Do You Do If… He Asks You To Call?

" ["link"]=> string(88) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/01/love-thy-neighbour-wouldnt-it-be-better.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(9523) "

I haven't been on friendly terms with my neighbours since I moved away from Dublin about seven years ago. In Dublin, people know if you fart in a different way to the way you did the day before and everyone feels like they know everyone. The whole neighbourly thing is just not the done thing in London where it's a cardinal sin to ask a stranger for directions nevermind acknowledge that there are people living next door to you. It is OK to fart like a trooper without saying pardon on public transport though but that's a whole other story...

Since we've been doing country living on the edge of London though, it's starting to feel like I know half the town. I can rarely leave the house without bumping into someone I know and it's kind of fun. People wave to you when you walk by the shops and they know me quite well in Waitrose because I can't stop going in the place...OK that and the fact that I threw up all over their store, keeled over, and writhed in agony in their first aid room.

Anyway...a few weeks ago I had to go and see my new neighbour because I was p*ssed of about them piling up lots of bins outside the side of our house. We ended up chatting and I forgot about it till yesterday when I opened the front door and he said "Do you remember that time when you said if there was anything we needed, I should just call over?"

I stared at him blankly and a thought popped into my head. "I was kinda thinking cup of sugar territory..."

"Er yes..."I said warily.

"Well we need you!" and he launched into a rather long story about how his girlfriend had hurt her neck, he'd called an ambulance, now they were back home but she couldn't do very much.

"Basically, can you go over there in about half an hour and put the kids to bed?" They're one and two and a half.

It took a few moments for the request to connect with my brain and I could feel myself blinking furiously and my face flushing. He stared at me with an imploring look.

"I..er...yes...OK" I said in false bravado.

I admit...there was a moment when I wondered if it was all a ploy and I was going to be sold into slavery. I phoned the boyf up and explained what had happened and suggested my theory. I was greeted with silence. "OK, OK...maybe not slavery but they better not be any of those freaky deaky country people that get you to put your keys in the bowl and get swinging...." More silence and then him making me promise I'd call as soon as I got home. Ah, maybe he was worried!

Half an hour later, the bambino was hovering by his kids bedroom door as the one year old shrieked the place down like there was some heap of murderation going down. Wrestling with me as I tried to carry her to the bedroom, I actually didn't know whether to laugh or throw myself on the floor. The bambino, normally one to be walking along by guiding herself around the furniture or emptying out the drawers, eyed me suspiciously.

As I finally managed to get the one year old into not one, but two sleepsuits (I had no idea some people dress their babies like this!), the bambino went into meltdown mode and started slapping my leg as if to say "Get your frickin hands off that baby!"

I was glad I was able to help out but my God it was stressful and awkward! The kids had no idea who the hell I was? The two and a half year old would start shrieking when I so much as even attempted to walk towards her cot! I was mor-ti-fied!

When I got home, I packed the bambino off to bed and had a glass of wine to mellow myself. How do I get myself in these situations?

On another note, an email from HMV has just notified me that my Wii Fitness will be arriving within 5 days! Yay!

On a totally different note, my ma ended the Cold War and came to visit last Thursday. The joys of having a baby mean that mamas with grudges have to let go of them if they want to see their grandchild! She keeps saying "It's ages since you've been around to visit" Er, yeah I know! You were frickin blanking me for nearly five weeks hence the lack of visits! Mothers!

Related Articles:

Best Songs About Sex

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3 Ways To Tell If Your Dinner Date Is Going Right

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How To Direct Your Life

Are You Worthy of Having What You (Really) Want?

Can You (Really) Have It All?

When Is Good Good Enough In Your Relationship?

What Do You Do If… Your Dream Man Becomes Your Nightmare!

Holiday Romance?

What Do You Do If… He Invites You To Vegas?

What Do You Do If… He Asks You To Call?

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1611246420) } [17]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-5499852536449157284" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 21 Jan 2021 16:19:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-01-21T08:19:11.507-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(44) "Is it crack or is it foot in mouth disorder?" ["description"]=> string(8161) "

 Sometimes I have to wonder if I am on crack...

"You know you're gonna have to stop worrying about being organised before the baby arrives because babies have a way of killing that off..." I wisecracked to our pregnant friends husband.

"Why?" interjected our party host. "Who's having a baby? Are you having a baby?" she exclaimed.

The boyf fell around laughing as the husband admitted that they are pregnant and I felt my face flush.

"OH.F*CK" I said with an embarrassed giggle. "I thought everyone knew!"
"Well they do now!"wisecracked the boyf.
"Oh shut up!" I laughed as I silently vowed not to put my foot in my mouth again.

I blame pregnancy. I'm not pregnant before anyone gets the wrong idea but ever since I got up the duff, my brain has mushy moments and my well heeled size four feet get stuck in my mouth from time to time.

Like when I accidentally revealed to the boyf's brother that myself and his ex girlfriend (one of my best friends MB) must have been dissecting his girlfriend's that followed her when I overheard him talking to the boyf about bumping into some ex of his.

Unable to shut up, I burst in with "Oh is that the white one?" and the two of them stared at me incredulously. I was heavily pregnant and for a moment I did consider trying to hide myself out of sheer embarrassment until I realised that was nigh on impossible with my humoungous bump.

"Who told you that?!" his brother demanded with a broad grin as the boyf fell around laughing.

I did what I do in any situation where I'm nervous and broke into clutching your sides giggles. I couldn't speak because I was laughing so hard as I tried to think of how I was going to extricate myself out of admitting that MB used to fill me in on the latest woman he was dating.

"I..ur...um...it was a guess...." I finally managed to squeeze out which only made the two of them laugh even harder. "OK, FINE! MB told me!" I admitted.

On the way home in the car, the boyf was still cracking up laughing and taking the piss out of me.

"I'm pregnant for f*cks sake! Of course I can't hold in information! Mor-ti-fi-f*cking-cation!" I wailed. I told MB about it and she thought it was hilarious thankfully!

I guess I shouldn't be surprised at another recent ridiculous incident....

So I'm lost in the street and I turned around to look for someone to ask for directions and seeing some feet coming towards me, I say without looking at the person yet, "Excuse me! Do you know where...." and as I said the words, my eyes moved up their body to see their face and I became momentarily frozen with shock as I realised that my nightmare was coming true. I had bumped into my stalker in the street! And asked them for directions! You couldn't make this sh*t up!

I have to go. I'm hungover like a mofo and in desperate need of some dinner. I have been out THREE nights in a row and the boyf has described me as a "rebellious drunk", which I guess must be true because I bollocked the bouncer at the bar, accusing him of sexual discrimination for finding a taxi for the lads but not the girls....

Oh and the bambino is going to be one on Saturday! Yay! Back soon!

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Is He Dating You, Courting You or WTF?

" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/01/is-it-crack-or-is-it-foot-in-mouth.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(8161) "

 Sometimes I have to wonder if I am on crack...

"You know you're gonna have to stop worrying about being organised before the baby arrives because babies have a way of killing that off..." I wisecracked to our pregnant friends husband.

"Why?" interjected our party host. "Who's having a baby? Are you having a baby?" she exclaimed.

The boyf fell around laughing as the husband admitted that they are pregnant and I felt my face flush.

"OH.F*CK" I said with an embarrassed giggle. "I thought everyone knew!"
"Well they do now!"wisecracked the boyf.
"Oh shut up!" I laughed as I silently vowed not to put my foot in my mouth again.

I blame pregnancy. I'm not pregnant before anyone gets the wrong idea but ever since I got up the duff, my brain has mushy moments and my well heeled size four feet get stuck in my mouth from time to time.

Like when I accidentally revealed to the boyf's brother that myself and his ex girlfriend (one of my best friends MB) must have been dissecting his girlfriend's that followed her when I overheard him talking to the boyf about bumping into some ex of his.

Unable to shut up, I burst in with "Oh is that the white one?" and the two of them stared at me incredulously. I was heavily pregnant and for a moment I did consider trying to hide myself out of sheer embarrassment until I realised that was nigh on impossible with my humoungous bump.

"Who told you that?!" his brother demanded with a broad grin as the boyf fell around laughing.

I did what I do in any situation where I'm nervous and broke into clutching your sides giggles. I couldn't speak because I was laughing so hard as I tried to think of how I was going to extricate myself out of admitting that MB used to fill me in on the latest woman he was dating.

"I..ur...um...it was a guess...." I finally managed to squeeze out which only made the two of them laugh even harder. "OK, FINE! MB told me!" I admitted.

On the way home in the car, the boyf was still cracking up laughing and taking the piss out of me.

"I'm pregnant for f*cks sake! Of course I can't hold in information! Mor-ti-fi-f*cking-cation!" I wailed. I told MB about it and she thought it was hilarious thankfully!

I guess I shouldn't be surprised at another recent ridiculous incident....

So I'm lost in the street and I turned around to look for someone to ask for directions and seeing some feet coming towards me, I say without looking at the person yet, "Excuse me! Do you know where...." and as I said the words, my eyes moved up their body to see their face and I became momentarily frozen with shock as I realised that my nightmare was coming true. I had bumped into my stalker in the street! And asked them for directions! You couldn't make this sh*t up!

I have to go. I'm hungover like a mofo and in desperate need of some dinner. I have been out THREE nights in a row and the boyf has described me as a "rebellious drunk", which I guess must be true because I bollocked the bouncer at the bar, accusing him of sexual discrimination for finding a taxi for the lads but not the girls....

Oh and the bambino is going to be one on Saturday! Yay! Back soon!

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Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

Inventive9 Loveawake

Are You Neutering Your Man?

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Attraction And The Color Red

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How To Handle the Not-So-Great Men

Where Are All the Great Men?

Attract Him With The Five Senses - Touch

Is Your Stage Set for Love?

How to Make Your Dating Better

Online Dating Secrets

Step by Step Online Dating Guide

Is He Dating You, Courting You or WTF?

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1611245940) } [18]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-1599632286680469544" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 21 Jan 2021 16:10:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-01-21T08:10:45.443-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(85) "I'm not super-frickin-woman: When a woman tries to do everything and then implodes..." ["description"]=> string(14673) "


 So I've ended up having an accidental break...well sort of... Where have I been? Working and in an exhausted heap! No matter what anyone tells you, much like the pain of childbirth, I don't think anyone can quit capture how exhausting not only being a mum is, but being self-employed. It's almost six months since I bit the bullet and decided to be my own boss and quite frankly, it's kicked my ass! Sweet baby effing Jesus and the angels!

I've always been considered to be quite organised. My desk at work was always a hovel but I've always said that it was a sign of creativity and a busy mind... Now, the house, my never-ending todo list, my various baskets of magazines, filing, thousands of emails, and my sometimes neglected but nonetheless much loved family, have become a symbol of a woman who is just trying to do too much and feeling like she's on a hamster wheel.

When I decided to become self-employed, it had been something that I had been talking about for a while and the whole maternity leave debacle just made it a lot easier to make the jump. Don't get me wrong, I love doing my own thang, but sometimes it feels like out of the fat, into the fire and that's simply because at the same time as setting up as a publisher, I also took on consultancy work. When you combine that with the bambino, the boyf, a house that seems to look tidy for a few hours, my crackerjack family, plus of course, wanting to have me-time, well, I ended up with no time.

Since making the leap, my baby products blog has taken off, Baggage Reclaim has got even bigger, plus I published an ebook which also did really well, which in turn created more work, plus I launched another blog with my friend, and much more. What set off the feeling of exhaustion was the hundreds of emails with feature my product, my boyfriends an assclown, please help me, and by the time it got to last week, my inbox and life in general felt like I was needed for something, somewhere. Of course I cracked, and feeling hormonal because you know that sh*t always decides to hit the proverbial fan when you've got horrid cramps, I finally broke down in tears and tiredness. Did I mention that during all of this I was trying to finish 300+ page book and ebook?

The boyf was brilliant and took me to task and forced me to take a break, take a deep breath, and start making plans to remove myself out of every last little thing...and delegate. Conveniently, I can't delegate the housework to him...but the cleaner is being organised. He and the bambino had lots of quality time over the past week which meant that I could work relatively guilt free, although she did come over a couple of times, whack me in the face, pull off my glasses, and try to yank my hair out by my roots...

I feel much better now because I talked about what was bothering me and I realised that even though I talk to the boyf about work, I don't really talk and communicate what I'm doing, what my week is actually like, and I realise that because I'm self-employed and working from home that I don't have the buffer of crackerjack colleagues that are sharing my pressures. He was shocked when I told him that I edit (and write some) 90 posts a week for the two baby blogs, write 5 posts minimum for Baggage Reclaim, plus I individually reply back to every request for advice...even though it may take a while. Requests for advice can be as much as fifty a week or more...Then there are the requests for sites to be featured, product reviews, guest contributing...

I've been flying by the seat of my pants and I've become the woman that doesn't say 'no', 'in a minute', 'that sounds great but it'll have to wait a day/week/weeks/' or 'can someone help me with this?' I also let my overflowing inbox weigh me down by putting off emails and not managing peoples expectations of when they can expect to hear from me. I want to help everyone!

What the hell has happened to me? It's like I'm trying to be frickin' superwoman! No wonder I felt like I was losing my mind at times and really, I'm the one who is creating pressure on myself. If I just opened up my usually rather loud mouth and managed peoples expectations, plus delegated...OK and learned how to organise the self-employed version of me and time manage myself, life would get easier.

I'm not a Yes Woman! I've made a career out of telling people to inject some 'NO' into their life and not be so pliable, and here I am throwing myself under the wheels of my own self-employed car and wondering why I'm being run over...

I don't know why I didn't speak up but I think part of me knew that the boyf would be shocked at how thinly I had spread myself but also because I have taken being self-employed to the nth degree and placed everything on me. He had to work some long hours recently although (touch wood) he hasn't had to travel much, so I think I may have tried not to load him up with my stuff. Silly though because he's saying 'Load me up! I want to know exactly what's going on!' so he's having a little meeting with me each week so I can sanity check myself and not feel alone in my work.

And I'm not. I have the boyf, the bambino (she's not very good at filing though and keeps emptying it), and two brilliant friends Kat and Brenda who I'm working with on the baby blogs, plus on a few other things, and suddenly I can delegate, and share. The odd thing was is that I could before, I just wasn't...

And before anyone asks, the whole problem with 'That Newspaper' is still being investigated.

Back soon...

If you want to know what I've been up to:

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" ["link"]=> string(86) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/01/im-not-super-frickin-woman-when-woman.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(14673) "


 So I've ended up having an accidental break...well sort of... Where have I been? Working and in an exhausted heap! No matter what anyone tells you, much like the pain of childbirth, I don't think anyone can quit capture how exhausting not only being a mum is, but being self-employed. It's almost six months since I bit the bullet and decided to be my own boss and quite frankly, it's kicked my ass! Sweet baby effing Jesus and the angels!

I've always been considered to be quite organised. My desk at work was always a hovel but I've always said that it was a sign of creativity and a busy mind... Now, the house, my never-ending todo list, my various baskets of magazines, filing, thousands of emails, and my sometimes neglected but nonetheless much loved family, have become a symbol of a woman who is just trying to do too much and feeling like she's on a hamster wheel.

When I decided to become self-employed, it had been something that I had been talking about for a while and the whole maternity leave debacle just made it a lot easier to make the jump. Don't get me wrong, I love doing my own thang, but sometimes it feels like out of the fat, into the fire and that's simply because at the same time as setting up as a publisher, I also took on consultancy work. When you combine that with the bambino, the boyf, a house that seems to look tidy for a few hours, my crackerjack family, plus of course, wanting to have me-time, well, I ended up with no time.

Since making the leap, my baby products blog has taken off, Baggage Reclaim has got even bigger, plus I published an ebook which also did really well, which in turn created more work, plus I launched another blog with my friend, and much more. What set off the feeling of exhaustion was the hundreds of emails with feature my product, my boyfriends an assclown, please help me, and by the time it got to last week, my inbox and life in general felt like I was needed for something, somewhere. Of course I cracked, and feeling hormonal because you know that sh*t always decides to hit the proverbial fan when you've got horrid cramps, I finally broke down in tears and tiredness. Did I mention that during all of this I was trying to finish 300+ page book and ebook?

The boyf was brilliant and took me to task and forced me to take a break, take a deep breath, and start making plans to remove myself out of every last little thing...and delegate. Conveniently, I can't delegate the housework to him...but the cleaner is being organised. He and the bambino had lots of quality time over the past week which meant that I could work relatively guilt free, although she did come over a couple of times, whack me in the face, pull off my glasses, and try to yank my hair out by my roots...

I feel much better now because I talked about what was bothering me and I realised that even though I talk to the boyf about work, I don't really talk and communicate what I'm doing, what my week is actually like, and I realise that because I'm self-employed and working from home that I don't have the buffer of crackerjack colleagues that are sharing my pressures. He was shocked when I told him that I edit (and write some) 90 posts a week for the two baby blogs, write 5 posts minimum for Baggage Reclaim, plus I individually reply back to every request for advice...even though it may take a while. Requests for advice can be as much as fifty a week or more...Then there are the requests for sites to be featured, product reviews, guest contributing...

I've been flying by the seat of my pants and I've become the woman that doesn't say 'no', 'in a minute', 'that sounds great but it'll have to wait a day/week/weeks/' or 'can someone help me with this?' I also let my overflowing inbox weigh me down by putting off emails and not managing peoples expectations of when they can expect to hear from me. I want to help everyone!

What the hell has happened to me? It's like I'm trying to be frickin' superwoman! No wonder I felt like I was losing my mind at times and really, I'm the one who is creating pressure on myself. If I just opened up my usually rather loud mouth and managed peoples expectations, plus delegated...OK and learned how to organise the self-employed version of me and time manage myself, life would get easier.

I'm not a Yes Woman! I've made a career out of telling people to inject some 'NO' into their life and not be so pliable, and here I am throwing myself under the wheels of my own self-employed car and wondering why I'm being run over...

I don't know why I didn't speak up but I think part of me knew that the boyf would be shocked at how thinly I had spread myself but also because I have taken being self-employed to the nth degree and placed everything on me. He had to work some long hours recently although (touch wood) he hasn't had to travel much, so I think I may have tried not to load him up with my stuff. Silly though because he's saying 'Load me up! I want to know exactly what's going on!' so he's having a little meeting with me each week so I can sanity check myself and not feel alone in my work.

And I'm not. I have the boyf, the bambino (she's not very good at filing though and keeps emptying it), and two brilliant friends Kat and Brenda who I'm working with on the baby blogs, plus on a few other things, and suddenly I can delegate, and share. The odd thing was is that I could before, I just wasn't...

And before anyone asks, the whole problem with 'That Newspaper' is still being investigated.

Back soon...

If you want to know what I've been up to:

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" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1611245400) } [19]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-4354509487638976608" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 08 Jan 2021 16:52:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-01-08T08:52:26.223-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(23) "Is it Okay to Call Him?" ["description"]=> string(9943) "


 Lee Ann is confused.  She met a cute guy named Dave on a couple of separate occasions.  He gave her his cell phone and asked her to call.

 
Lee Ann didn’t.
 
Lee Ann did, however, call Dave for business since he works at the car dealership where she takes her car for repairs.
 
After her oil filter was replaced, Dave asked Lee Ann for a date.
 
Excited, Lee Ann primped and prepared and went out with Dave.
 
At the end of the evening, Dave said, “This was cool.  Call me if you want to hang out again.”
 
WTF???  Is this some kind of test?
 
“What’s he doing?” Lee Ann asks in frustration. ”What’s going on?  Is he trying to get me to chase him?”
 
Oh yeah.  That’s exactly what he’s doing.
 
How many times have you met a cute guy, had a great conversation and right before parting, he gives you his card and asks you to call?
 
It happens all the time.
 
What do you do when he asks you to call?  What are your choices?
 
Here are three:
 
1.  Call Him

This is an option.  You can call him.  You can chase.  You can invite him out, pick him up and pay.
 
Because when you call a guy, you’re playing the role of a masculine “Hero.”  You’re the initiator.  You make the plans.  You pay.
 
If you call him, you can’t expect him to pick up the lead, invite you out and pay.  That’s not how it works.
 
If you want to chase him … if you want to pursue him … you have every right to do it. 
 
Carry on!  Just don’t forget your wallet.
 
2.  Don’t Call Him
 
This works beautifully when you don’t like the guy.
 
If he gives you his card and asks you to call, say “thank you” with a smile on your face and put it in your purse.
 
Keep smiling … knowing you will never have to see him again.
 
Of course if you like the guy and don’t call him … where does that leave you?
 
3.  Tell Him How You REALLY Feel
 
If the guy you like asks you to call and you know you don’t want to chase him, but you also know you’d like to see him again, here’s what you do:
 
First, thank him for inviting you to call.
 
Second, tell him you’re not comfortable calling men.
 
Third, tell him you feel better when he calls you and you will call him back.
 
If he calls you, he’s interested.  If he doesn’t, he’s not.  Wouldn’t you like to know if he’s into you sooner rather than later?
 
Thought so.  See how simple it is?

Realated Articles: 

Найти Мужа во Франции

Do Your Fears Keep You Single?

Encouraging Goal-Congruent Dating Behavior

Vision Boards Work

How to Get Him to Notice You On Line

How to Make a Favorable First Impression

How to Say "No" After You've Said "Yes"

Keep It Moving and Expect Nothing

How to Meet Your Man

My 20-Day Boyfriend

Are You Limiting Your Choices in Love?

" ["link"]=> string(71) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2021/01/is-it-okay-to-call-him.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(9943) "


 Lee Ann is confused.  She met a cute guy named Dave on a couple of separate occasions.  He gave her his cell phone and asked her to call.

 
Lee Ann didn’t.
 
Lee Ann did, however, call Dave for business since he works at the car dealership where she takes her car for repairs.
 
After her oil filter was replaced, Dave asked Lee Ann for a date.
 
Excited, Lee Ann primped and prepared and went out with Dave.
 
At the end of the evening, Dave said, “This was cool.  Call me if you want to hang out again.”
 
WTF???  Is this some kind of test?
 
“What’s he doing?” Lee Ann asks in frustration. ”What’s going on?  Is he trying to get me to chase him?”
 
Oh yeah.  That’s exactly what he’s doing.
 
How many times have you met a cute guy, had a great conversation and right before parting, he gives you his card and asks you to call?
 
It happens all the time.
 
What do you do when he asks you to call?  What are your choices?
 
Here are three:
 
1.  Call Him

This is an option.  You can call him.  You can chase.  You can invite him out, pick him up and pay.
 
Because when you call a guy, you’re playing the role of a masculine “Hero.”  You’re the initiator.  You make the plans.  You pay.
 
If you call him, you can’t expect him to pick up the lead, invite you out and pay.  That’s not how it works.
 
If you want to chase him … if you want to pursue him … you have every right to do it. 
 
Carry on!  Just don’t forget your wallet.
 
2.  Don’t Call Him
 
This works beautifully when you don’t like the guy.
 
If he gives you his card and asks you to call, say “thank you” with a smile on your face and put it in your purse.
 
Keep smiling … knowing you will never have to see him again.
 
Of course if you like the guy and don’t call him … where does that leave you?
 
3.  Tell Him How You REALLY Feel
 
If the guy you like asks you to call and you know you don’t want to chase him, but you also know you’d like to see him again, here’s what you do:
 
First, thank him for inviting you to call.
 
Second, tell him you’re not comfortable calling men.
 
Third, tell him you feel better when he calls you and you will call him back.
 
If he calls you, he’s interested.  If he doesn’t, he’s not.  Wouldn’t you like to know if he’s into you sooner rather than later?
 
Thought so.  See how simple it is?

Realated Articles: 

Найти Мужа во Франции

Do Your Fears Keep You Single?

Encouraging Goal-Congruent Dating Behavior

Vision Boards Work

How to Get Him to Notice You On Line

How to Make a Favorable First Impression

How to Say "No" After You've Said "Yes"

Keep It Moving and Expect Nothing

How to Meet Your Man

My 20-Day Boyfriend

Are You Limiting Your Choices in Love?

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1610124720) } [20]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-1440719882989727683" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 24 Dec 2020 16:14:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2020-12-24T08:14:40.892-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(25) "How to Date a Married Man" ["description"]=> string(8133) "

 Disclaimer: This is never a good idea. No matter how you think it may end, it will end badly. This is not a movie, in which he is misunderstood by his wife and you are the only one who “gets” him. His wife will inevitably find out about you. Besides, there are millions of single men in the world. Try dating one of them, before shacking up with somebody who has already been claimed.



Okay, so if you are still reading this, you probably don’t care to hear lectures. You know what can (and will!) go wrong, but frankly, the pros outweigh the cons, right? At least for the moment. What you really want to know is how do you date a married man?

The first thing you don’t do is leave a paper trail. Do not text, email, or write notes. This is very hard to avoid, as it is often the primary source of contact. Yahoo Messenger or other instant messaging programs may seem tempting; however, to a snooping wife, archived files are very easy to access. With a forum, though, she would have to know both the website and the password.

When you date a married man, you must prepare yourself to be lonely. You will spend many nights alone while he is at home with his family. Yet you cannot call him or see him whenever you want. You will have to resign yourself to seeing him on his schedule. It is extremely important that you do not call. The classic call-and-hang-up is a dead giveaway to his wife, if she answers the phone.

Also, you must give up the expectation that he will leave his wife for you. When it has finally happened, that’s when you can believe it. Before then, just assume it is lip service. There are many reasons a man feels obligated to stay with his family, but very few reasons for him to throw caution to the wind and leave. If you stop worrying about when he’ll leave, you will be able to live in the moment better.

Next, don’t let anyone find out: not your friends, not your family, not your coworkers (especially if you and the man you’re seeing work together). This is a very common mistake made in affairs. The more people become involved, the more likely it is to get back to his wife.

Finally, really think about what is in it for you. After months of being treated as a secret, you may feel resentful. Is this guy really worth the hassle of not seeing him when you want, not being able to call, having to tiptoe around your feelings? Don’t stay as a favor to him. Figure out what you need in a partner and decide on your own if this man can truly fulfill those needs.

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" ["link"]=> string(72) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2020/12/how-to-date-married-man.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(8133) "

 Disclaimer: This is never a good idea. No matter how you think it may end, it will end badly. This is not a movie, in which he is misunderstood by his wife and you are the only one who “gets” him. His wife will inevitably find out about you. Besides, there are millions of single men in the world. Try dating one of them, before shacking up with somebody who has already been claimed.



Okay, so if you are still reading this, you probably don’t care to hear lectures. You know what can (and will!) go wrong, but frankly, the pros outweigh the cons, right? At least for the moment. What you really want to know is how do you date a married man?

The first thing you don’t do is leave a paper trail. Do not text, email, or write notes. This is very hard to avoid, as it is often the primary source of contact. Yahoo Messenger or other instant messaging programs may seem tempting; however, to a snooping wife, archived files are very easy to access. With a forum, though, she would have to know both the website and the password.

When you date a married man, you must prepare yourself to be lonely. You will spend many nights alone while he is at home with his family. Yet you cannot call him or see him whenever you want. You will have to resign yourself to seeing him on his schedule. It is extremely important that you do not call. The classic call-and-hang-up is a dead giveaway to his wife, if she answers the phone.

Also, you must give up the expectation that he will leave his wife for you. When it has finally happened, that’s when you can believe it. Before then, just assume it is lip service. There are many reasons a man feels obligated to stay with his family, but very few reasons for him to throw caution to the wind and leave. If you stop worrying about when he’ll leave, you will be able to live in the moment better.

Next, don’t let anyone find out: not your friends, not your family, not your coworkers (especially if you and the man you’re seeing work together). This is a very common mistake made in affairs. The more people become involved, the more likely it is to get back to his wife.

Finally, really think about what is in it for you. After months of being treated as a secret, you may feel resentful. Is this guy really worth the hassle of not seeing him when you want, not being able to call, having to tiptoe around your feelings? Don’t stay as a favor to him. Figure out what you need in a partner and decide on your own if this man can truly fulfill those needs.

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Действительно ли Вы Хотите Замуж за Иностранца…

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" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1608826440) } [21]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-3105794866208520412" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Wed, 23 Dec 2020 15:54:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2020-12-23T07:54:12.320-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(35) "How to Attract a Man on a Night Out" ["description"]=> string(7977) "



It’s Friday night.  You’re at a bar with your girlfriends, drinking martinis and talking.  Everywhere you look, good-looking men are standing with their own friends, laughing and looking around the room.  No wedding bands that you can see.  You want to make a connection.  You’re hoping one of them will spot you among this room full of beautiful, available women and make a move, right?

Don’t wait for a man to pick you out of the crowd.  Take the initiative!  If you see a man you want to get to know, go talk to him.  Strike up a conversation: ask him what he’s drinking, challenge him to a game of pool, or ask if he knows of any parties going on.  For the shy girls, catch his eye, hold it for five seconds, smile, then look away.  Do this a second time within a minute or two.  These actions will go a long way in grabbing a man’s attention.  Not only is this a good way to stand out in a crowd, but your self-confidence will shine like a beacon in the dim room.

If these things make you blush just thinking about it, take the easy road: play wingman to your more outgoing friend.  The wingman’s goal is to help his or her friend in securing the person they are after, whether that is by talking about how great your friend is, entertaining the man’s friends so he can focus on your friend, or just by being there for support.  In doing so, you have the option of getting to know the men without the pressure of trying to run the show yourself.

However, the most important way to ensure you draw men to you is to have a good time.  No matter how beautiful a woman may be, if she scowls and pouts, she’s not likely to attract a man (or if she does, he will likely be turned off by her attitude shortly thereafter).  I’ve heard attractive women complain time and time again, “I never get hit on at the bar!”  Many times, it is because they give off a vibe that they are bored, disinterested, or just plain snobby.  On the flip side, I have met women who were not considered as conventionally attractive as the others.  Yet, their approachable, effervescent personalities drew men like moths to their bright spark.

Enjoy the night with your girlfriends, make jokes, smile, laugh, have a good time.  You’ll come off as approachable and fun, and that is what men want when they go out with friends.  Remember that you’ll have fun whether you meet a man or not.  Your night out is first and foremost about hanging out and having a good time, right?  Men are attracted to that self-assuredness that you will be happy whether they are around or not.  Don’t rely on that possible connection to make or break your evening.  That attitude is what will attract a man to you.

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Dressing for the First Few Dates

Kuwait Free Dating

Бесплатные Знакомства c Иностранцами

Put Sexploration to Work!

Dealing With Relationship Disaster

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" ["link"]=> string(80) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2020/12/how-to-attract-man-on-night-out.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(7977) "



It’s Friday night.  You’re at a bar with your girlfriends, drinking martinis and talking.  Everywhere you look, good-looking men are standing with their own friends, laughing and looking around the room.  No wedding bands that you can see.  You want to make a connection.  You’re hoping one of them will spot you among this room full of beautiful, available women and make a move, right?

Don’t wait for a man to pick you out of the crowd.  Take the initiative!  If you see a man you want to get to know, go talk to him.  Strike up a conversation: ask him what he’s drinking, challenge him to a game of pool, or ask if he knows of any parties going on.  For the shy girls, catch his eye, hold it for five seconds, smile, then look away.  Do this a second time within a minute or two.  These actions will go a long way in grabbing a man’s attention.  Not only is this a good way to stand out in a crowd, but your self-confidence will shine like a beacon in the dim room.

If these things make you blush just thinking about it, take the easy road: play wingman to your more outgoing friend.  The wingman’s goal is to help his or her friend in securing the person they are after, whether that is by talking about how great your friend is, entertaining the man’s friends so he can focus on your friend, or just by being there for support.  In doing so, you have the option of getting to know the men without the pressure of trying to run the show yourself.

However, the most important way to ensure you draw men to you is to have a good time.  No matter how beautiful a woman may be, if she scowls and pouts, she’s not likely to attract a man (or if she does, he will likely be turned off by her attitude shortly thereafter).  I’ve heard attractive women complain time and time again, “I never get hit on at the bar!”  Many times, it is because they give off a vibe that they are bored, disinterested, or just plain snobby.  On the flip side, I have met women who were not considered as conventionally attractive as the others.  Yet, their approachable, effervescent personalities drew men like moths to their bright spark.

Enjoy the night with your girlfriends, make jokes, smile, laugh, have a good time.  You’ll come off as approachable and fun, and that is what men want when they go out with friends.  Remember that you’ll have fun whether you meet a man or not.  Your night out is first and foremost about hanging out and having a good time, right?  Men are attracted to that self-assuredness that you will be happy whether they are around or not.  Don’t rely on that possible connection to make or break your evening.  That attitude is what will attract a man to you.

Related Articles:

Who Goes In Your Dating Profile

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How To Overcome the Fear of Internet Dating

Tips & Tricks for Great Online Dating Portraits

How to Survive Online Dating without a Profile Picture

Dressing for the First Few Dates

Kuwait Free Dating

Бесплатные Знакомства c Иностранцами

Put Sexploration to Work!

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When Issues of Gender Cause Dating Confusion

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" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1608738840) } [22]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-8579663045128632180" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 16 Nov 2020 16:04:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2020-11-16T08:09:09.372-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(52) "Are You New To The Game ? - No need for Pickup Lines" ["description"]=> string(10933) "


For any men out there who are struggling or have just found out about the seduction community and are new to the game. Here is some real quick solid info to help you out in your quest to becoming a real man.

My name is Brooklyn. I’ve been in the seduction community for over 2 years now. I’ve only been getting better & better at the Game as i progress. I started just like all you out there. I was searching the web one night and came across David Deangelo’s ebook Double Your Dating and purchased, downloaded and printed it out… The next day i could not stop reading it. I must have read it strait through in 4 hours only stopping to use the bathroom and eat. I was amazed. Little did i know how this new attained knowledge would affect my future forever.

The DYD book got me started on my journey which is not just called “the game” but we now refer to it as the men’s self improvement journey. From this book i started getting better at interacting with women almost immediately. I didn’t stop there. I wanted to learn more and more so I eventually saved up and purchased more David Deangelo products. I was learning more and more. You see in all of his material David does not just talk about how to become better at the game and memorize new pickup lines. He drills the importance of becoming a better man. A man who has more value in society because he has begun a self improvement journey. So with this knowledge i started reading books on his recommended reading list. (I purchased most of my books from Amazon, they are the cheapest on the net and they offer free shipping in the US. Get the Amazon credit card! you save $30 instantly and they send you out these $25 gift certificates every couple months once you get enough points. Well worth it and it’s Free! ) Lets not forget the book “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists” (Neil Strauss) This book is like the Game bible for every player, PUA, and seduction guru. It’s a must read even though it’s more of a story then a reference to learn the game from. For more info read my post bellow on this book.

My Recommended Reading List.
The books under self-improvement are great for any player who wants to improve as a man and get his inner game together. Forget about learning fancy smooth pickup lines, NLP, Hypnosis, Magic Tricks, and Peacocking.

While on this journey i have come to find that getting your inner game together (improving yourself as a man) will work much more in your favor to help with your success with woman in the long run. All the canned openers, pickup lines and routines i learned are great and i still use some of them. They can also hurt you more then you know if you don’t understand how to have natural game. This is why i say, practice and study these books and products on the right on natural game. Which is really just being your best self. You might need to still develop yourself into a better man that the woman of your dreams will find attractive. Thats OK. Once you start getting these things handled you will see. People will just give you things. Woman, friends, jobs, and opportunities will fall into your lap. This is really the law of attraction at work here. Once you get your inner game handled you will get everything you want in life without trying to pretend, and fake it.

You see while all these pickup lines, different methods, strategies & routines, NLP and magic might work great for the time being. I have found that eventually you will get burnt once the woman you used this on finds out who you really are. You can only pretend, and say scripted openers, stories and routines so long. Trust me gentlemen on this…. I have lost some very beautiful high quality woman b/c of this. Don’t do it!!!
Learn the natural inner game methods first.

If you Like this find more at

Why Feeling Beautiful Does Matter to Your Personal Growth

Where Is Your Self-Respect? You Don’t Get Women Without It!

Relationship Advice for Men: Speak Up and Be Heard

5 Ways to Get the Respect, Love and Attention You’re Craving

Getting Closer in Your Relationships Starts with You

Judgment – A Thing Your Relationship Could Do WITHOUT

 4 Things That You Can’t and Can Do If You’re Not Getting What You Want From Your Relationships

3 Ways to Really Help When Someone You Care About is Having a Meltdown

3 Reasons Why Your Personal Growth Can Make or Break Your Love Relationship or Marriage

“Living The Dream”

 Women Jumping In The Air (For No Reason At All)

" ["link"]=> string(82) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2020/11/what-does-being-alpha-really-mean.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(10933) "


For any men out there who are struggling or have just found out about the seduction community and are new to the game. Here is some real quick solid info to help you out in your quest to becoming a real man.

My name is Brooklyn. I’ve been in the seduction community for over 2 years now. I’ve only been getting better & better at the Game as i progress. I started just like all you out there. I was searching the web one night and came across David Deangelo’s ebook Double Your Dating and purchased, downloaded and printed it out… The next day i could not stop reading it. I must have read it strait through in 4 hours only stopping to use the bathroom and eat. I was amazed. Little did i know how this new attained knowledge would affect my future forever.

The DYD book got me started on my journey which is not just called “the game” but we now refer to it as the men’s self improvement journey. From this book i started getting better at interacting with women almost immediately. I didn’t stop there. I wanted to learn more and more so I eventually saved up and purchased more David Deangelo products. I was learning more and more. You see in all of his material David does not just talk about how to become better at the game and memorize new pickup lines. He drills the importance of becoming a better man. A man who has more value in society because he has begun a self improvement journey. So with this knowledge i started reading books on his recommended reading list. (I purchased most of my books from Amazon, they are the cheapest on the net and they offer free shipping in the US. Get the Amazon credit card! you save $30 instantly and they send you out these $25 gift certificates every couple months once you get enough points. Well worth it and it’s Free! ) Lets not forget the book “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists” (Neil Strauss) This book is like the Game bible for every player, PUA, and seduction guru. It’s a must read even though it’s more of a story then a reference to learn the game from. For more info read my post bellow on this book.

My Recommended Reading List.
The books under self-improvement are great for any player who wants to improve as a man and get his inner game together. Forget about learning fancy smooth pickup lines, NLP, Hypnosis, Magic Tricks, and Peacocking.

While on this journey i have come to find that getting your inner game together (improving yourself as a man) will work much more in your favor to help with your success with woman in the long run. All the canned openers, pickup lines and routines i learned are great and i still use some of them. They can also hurt you more then you know if you don’t understand how to have natural game. This is why i say, practice and study these books and products on the right on natural game. Which is really just being your best self. You might need to still develop yourself into a better man that the woman of your dreams will find attractive. Thats OK. Once you start getting these things handled you will see. People will just give you things. Woman, friends, jobs, and opportunities will fall into your lap. This is really the law of attraction at work here. Once you get your inner game handled you will get everything you want in life without trying to pretend, and fake it.

You see while all these pickup lines, different methods, strategies & routines, NLP and magic might work great for the time being. I have found that eventually you will get burnt once the woman you used this on finds out who you really are. You can only pretend, and say scripted openers, stories and routines so long. Trust me gentlemen on this…. I have lost some very beautiful high quality woman b/c of this. Don’t do it!!!
Learn the natural inner game methods first.

If you Like this find more at

Why Feeling Beautiful Does Matter to Your Personal Growth

Where Is Your Self-Respect? You Don’t Get Women Without It!

Relationship Advice for Men: Speak Up and Be Heard

5 Ways to Get the Respect, Love and Attention You’re Craving

Getting Closer in Your Relationships Starts with You

Judgment – A Thing Your Relationship Could Do WITHOUT

 4 Things That You Can’t and Can Do If You’re Not Getting What You Want From Your Relationships

3 Ways to Really Help When Someone You Care About is Having a Meltdown

3 Reasons Why Your Personal Growth Can Make or Break Your Love Relationship or Marriage

“Living The Dream”

 Women Jumping In The Air (For No Reason At All)

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1605542640) } [23]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-8729673613239891843" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 09 Nov 2020 16:02:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2020-11-09T08:02:56.636-08:00" } ["title"]=> string(37) "Do Nice Guys Get the Girl in the End?" ["description"]=> string(17021) "

 


Why do people eat at McDonald’s on a consistent basis when they know it is unhealthy?

Why do people smoke cigarettes knowing they are drastically increasing their risk of all kinds of deadly diseases?

Why do people drink beer to excess knowing they will have a horrible hangover the next day?

And why do married, powerful men hire hookers when they know the consequences of getting caught can be the destruction of their careers?

The answer to each one of these is simple: because it feels good in the moment. McDonald’s tastes good in the moment, cigarettes feel good in the moment, beer gives you a pleasant buzz in the moment, and hookers make them feel good in the moment in a way wives can’t or won’t.

There’s rarely any great emotional angst behind these decisions, despite what TV psychoanalysts would have you believe. Frank Gifford didn’t cheat on Kathy Lee because of some deep seated, long ago resentment for his mother—he did it because a pair of 42 DD’s was waved in his face, and 42 DD feel good. Really good.

Why Do Women Go After Bad Boys And Dysfunctional Guys?

Because by their behavior they make them feel good in the moment, creating that narcotic high of chemistry. Nice guys don’t do that, so women are not attracted to them.

Now, a lot of the stuff I just mentioned can have long term consequences, and it is not out of the realm of possibility to use self imposed discipline to avoid these things.

However, it is important to understand that people make decisions in the moment and for the long term simply because someone or something made them feel it (the whole marriage industry is based on this). So, what you want to do is be the guy who makes people, especially women, feel good in the moment.

If you’re the guy who makes people laugh, always has a funny story to tell, you’re genuinely interested in them, and you’ve mastered behavior that makes women feel chemistry, people will want to be around you.

When people want to be around you, good things come your way. More people want to hang around you, and the right people can bring you opportunity, and are happy to if you make them feel good.

When you make women feel good, you’re always their first choice because so many men make so many women feel so bad. Don’t overcomplicate this very important aspect of persuasion and influence: make people feel good in the moment, and they’ll make good decisions regarding you.

Read More:

Are You Living Life Positively or Negatively?

Are You Treating the Women in Your Life Like Your First Sportsbike?

5 Ways to Pick up Girls at the Gym

Whats Your Sign?

No Idea What To Put Here…”

We See Your Ex-girlfriend in Your Dating Profile

The Dating Profile Cliche of Knight in Shining Armor

The Meaning Of The Flowers You Send To Those You Love

What Does I am Down-To-Earth Cliche Really Mean?

Looking For My Soulmate

Dating Profile Cliche : I Like Long Walks on the Beach

The Problem With Online Dating : Too Many Options

In Online Dating Your Phone Number Means Very Little

" ["link"]=> string(77) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2020/11/do-nice-guys-get-girl-in-end.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(17021) "

 


Why do people eat at McDonald’s on a consistent basis when they know it is unhealthy?

Why do people smoke cigarettes knowing they are drastically increasing their risk of all kinds of deadly diseases?

Why do people drink beer to excess knowing they will have a horrible hangover the next day?

And why do married, powerful men hire hookers when they know the consequences of getting caught can be the destruction of their careers?

The answer to each one of these is simple: because it feels good in the moment. McDonald’s tastes good in the moment, cigarettes feel good in the moment, beer gives you a pleasant buzz in the moment, and hookers make them feel good in the moment in a way wives can’t or won’t.

There’s rarely any great emotional angst behind these decisions, despite what TV psychoanalysts would have you believe. Frank Gifford didn’t cheat on Kathy Lee because of some deep seated, long ago resentment for his mother—he did it because a pair of 42 DD’s was waved in his face, and 42 DD feel good. Really good.

Why Do Women Go After Bad Boys And Dysfunctional Guys?

Because by their behavior they make them feel good in the moment, creating that narcotic high of chemistry. Nice guys don’t do that, so women are not attracted to them.

Now, a lot of the stuff I just mentioned can have long term consequences, and it is not out of the realm of possibility to use self imposed discipline to avoid these things.

However, it is important to understand that people make decisions in the moment and for the long term simply because someone or something made them feel it (the whole marriage industry is based on this). So, what you want to do is be the guy who makes people, especially women, feel good in the moment.

If you’re the guy who makes people laugh, always has a funny story to tell, you’re genuinely interested in them, and you’ve mastered behavior that makes women feel chemistry, people will want to be around you.

When people want to be around you, good things come your way. More people want to hang around you, and the right people can bring you opportunity, and are happy to if you make them feel good.

When you make women feel good, you’re always their first choice because so many men make so many women feel so bad. Don’t overcomplicate this very important aspect of persuasion and influence: make people feel good in the moment, and they’ll make good decisions regarding you.

Read More:

Are You Living Life Positively or Negatively?

Are You Treating the Women in Your Life Like Your First Sportsbike?

5 Ways to Pick up Girls at the Gym

Whats Your Sign?

No Idea What To Put Here…”

We See Your Ex-girlfriend in Your Dating Profile

The Dating Profile Cliche of Knight in Shining Armor

The Meaning Of The Flowers You Send To Those You Love

What Does I am Down-To-Earth Cliche Really Mean?

Looking For My Soulmate

Dating Profile Cliche : I Like Long Walks on the Beach

The Problem With Online Dating : Too Many Options

In Online Dating Your Phone Number Means Very Little

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1604937720) } [24]=> array(10) { ["guid"]=> string(70) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3214354462823720985.post-5678505116767702373" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 08 Oct 2020 15:12:00 +0000" ["atom"]=> array(1) { ["updated"]=> string(29) "2020-10-08T08:12:20.197-07:00" } ["title"]=> string(50) "Stop being an option, but his priority number ONE." ["description"]=> string(9462) "


A friend of mine, tweeted this yesterday: “If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, [you] will miss finding someone who treats you like a priority.”

It was so on point that I told him I had to write about it. A simple concept, but time and time again I see many of my friends settling for the role of “an option.”

The Twitter quote took me back about a year when I was sitting at lunch with one of my sister-friends. She is an awesome person, but has always felt “average.” In a city like NEW YORK that is full of exceptional people, it can be even more profound if you’ve always felt like someone in the middle. I get it! I think she’s wrong about herself, but still I understand. 

She’d been dating this guy for a year when we had our lunch last year. Dating is difficult everywhere. In New York City, multiply the level of difficulty times ten. So, my sister-friend was happy to be dating a man with a solid job, handsome enough, and with all of his teeth. Yes, it’s that hard in the “Big Apple.” With that said, I could sense that she wasn’t completely happy. 

“Where do you see the relationship going, started talking about marriage yet?” I asked. She shook her head, “No.” I asked if she even saw herself marrying him. “We’ve never discussed it. Every time I bring it up, he changes the subject and says not to push him,” she sadly replied. Red flag! First, her reaction to my question told me more than her words. Second, I truly believe that the great majority of men who’ve found their wife know within the first year and begin to discuss marriage pretty quickly.

I must have opened Her Box because she started spilling her frustrated guts. Basically, the guy was typically unresponsive to her and her needs. They’d stopped actually going out on dates about six months into the relationship. Now, she would cook for him, he’d come over, they’d have sex and he’d leave in the morning. And, he broke the cardinal rule (well, she let him). He would consistently call the day of and sometimes the evening of, when he wanted to “chill” with her.

“If someone is calling you the day of to make plans with you, rest-assured you are just an option,” I said. A year into the relationship this shouldn’t have been happening. If he couldn’t keep up the courting and romance for a year, then there was no hope for the future. And, if there’s no hope for the future, there was really no point. My sister-friend heard me, however, I could tell she didn’t hear me.

It made me sad because I could sense the fear and helplessness she felt. It was becoming that hard for an intelligent woman to find a man. And, for all intents and purposes, this guy was a “good man.” But, just because he was a “good man” didn’t mean he was good for her. Moreover, she clearly was not a priority in his life and there probably wasn’t anything she could do to change it. So, I told her to let him go.

“Easier said than done! As much as I want more, I definitely don’t want to be lonely every night. I want SOMEbody in my life," she explained. I retorted, “So, you’ll just settle for any ol’ thing to have SOMEbody?” I went on to explain that while she was settling for option status, there was a guy out there waiting to upgrade her. Sticking around with this guy because he was SOMEbody might just be blocking her from the man that was to be her true blessing.

My sister-friend continued to date the dude for a few more months. Fast forward to last week and we met to catch up and gossip. Plus, she had some great news for me – she was engaged. I knew she’d been dating a new guy who by all of our friends’ accounts was terrific. “You were a hundred percent correct! I was so desperate for a man that I’d allowed myself to take a back seat position.” And, she went on to describe the difference with her fiancé. He made her a priority in every sense of the word. She was completely happy and excited.

We’ve all been there... dating someone who you know is “just not that into you” and has not made you a priority in their life. Don’t let the difficulty of dating allow you to settle for less than you deserve. No matter who you are, we deserve to be in the pole position in our lover’s life. Wasting your time on someone who does not put you in that place may be getting in the way of you finding someone who will. Just say to yourself, I deserve to be a priority, not an option!

 First Date: Taboo Topics You Should NOT Discuss

Are you dating a cheater?

9 Dating Tips to Make Them Work

Kim Kardashian’s Divorce: 16 Love Lessons Learned

Top 11 Dating Tips for 2022

Speed Dating Tips in Padova

Is Online Dating More Effective Than Traditional Dating in Padova?

Independence, It’s More Than Just A Day, It’s A Way Of Life

Love After 60, The Lube Of Life

Have You Become His All-You-Can-Eat Buffet?

Forgiveness In Relationships

" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2020/10/stop-being-option-but-his-priority.html" ["author"]=> string(26) "noreply@blogger.com (Alan)" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(9462) "


A friend of mine, tweeted this yesterday: “If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, [you] will miss finding someone who treats you like a priority.”

It was so on point that I told him I had to write about it. A simple concept, but time and time again I see many of my friends settling for the role of “an option.”

The Twitter quote took me back about a year when I was sitting at lunch with one of my sister-friends. She is an awesome person, but has always felt “average.” In a city like NEW YORK that is full of exceptional people, it can be even more profound if you’ve always felt like someone in the middle. I get it! I think she’s wrong about herself, but still I understand. 

She’d been dating this guy for a year when we had our lunch last year. Dating is difficult everywhere. In New York City, multiply the level of difficulty times ten. So, my sister-friend was happy to be dating a man with a solid job, handsome enough, and with all of his teeth. Yes, it’s that hard in the “Big Apple.” With that said, I could sense that she wasn’t completely happy. 

“Where do you see the relationship going, started talking about marriage yet?” I asked. She shook her head, “No.” I asked if she even saw herself marrying him. “We’ve never discussed it. Every time I bring it up, he changes the subject and says not to push him,” she sadly replied. Red flag! First, her reaction to my question told me more than her words. Second, I truly believe that the great majority of men who’ve found their wife know within the first year and begin to discuss marriage pretty quickly.

I must have opened Her Box because she started spilling her frustrated guts. Basically, the guy was typically unresponsive to her and her needs. They’d stopped actually going out on dates about six months into the relationship. Now, she would cook for him, he’d come over, they’d have sex and he’d leave in the morning. And, he broke the cardinal rule (well, she let him). He would consistently call the day of and sometimes the evening of, when he wanted to “chill” with her.

“If someone is calling you the day of to make plans with you, rest-assured you are just an option,” I said. A year into the relationship this shouldn’t have been happening. If he couldn’t keep up the courting and romance for a year, then there was no hope for the future. And, if there’s no hope for the future, there was really no point. My sister-friend heard me, however, I could tell she didn’t hear me.

It made me sad because I could sense the fear and helplessness she felt. It was becoming that hard for an intelligent woman to find a man. And, for all intents and purposes, this guy was a “good man.” But, just because he was a “good man” didn’t mean he was good for her. Moreover, she clearly was not a priority in his life and there probably wasn’t anything she could do to change it. So, I told her to let him go.

“Easier said than done! As much as I want more, I definitely don’t want to be lonely every night. I want SOMEbody in my life," she explained. I retorted, “So, you’ll just settle for any ol’ thing to have SOMEbody?” I went on to explain that while she was settling for option status, there was a guy out there waiting to upgrade her. Sticking around with this guy because he was SOMEbody might just be blocking her from the man that was to be her true blessing.

My sister-friend continued to date the dude for a few more months. Fast forward to last week and we met to catch up and gossip. Plus, she had some great news for me – she was engaged. I knew she’d been dating a new guy who by all of our friends’ accounts was terrific. “You were a hundred percent correct! I was so desperate for a man that I’d allowed myself to take a back seat position.” And, she went on to describe the difference with her fiancé. He made her a priority in every sense of the word. She was completely happy and excited.

We’ve all been there... dating someone who you know is “just not that into you” and has not made you a priority in their life. Don’t let the difficulty of dating allow you to settle for less than you deserve. No matter who you are, we deserve to be in the pole position in our lover’s life. Wasting your time on someone who does not put you in that place may be getting in the way of you finding someone who will. Just say to yourself, I deserve to be a priority, not an option!

 First Date: Taboo Topics You Should NOT Discuss

Are you dating a cheater?

9 Dating Tips to Make Them Work

Kim Kardashian’s Divorce: 16 Love Lessons Learned

Top 11 Dating Tips for 2022

Speed Dating Tips in Padova

Is Online Dating More Effective Than Traditional Dating in Padova?

Independence, It’s More Than Just A Day, It’s A Way Of Life

Love After 60, The Lube Of Life

Have You Become His All-You-Can-Eat Buffet?

Forgiveness In Relationships

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